Category: Film

Batman Returns (1992) (Reviewing DC Comics in Film #11)

“Bat-Mania” took the world by storm when Batman came out in’89, and it still had plenty of steam behind it when the sequel, aptly named Batman Returns, hit theaters in 1992. Tim Burton returned to direct, and Keaton and Gough returned as Batman and Alfred respectively. Danny DeVito joins the cast as the Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, and Christopher Walken as Max Shreck. Despite a sequel being a sure thing, several ideas were scrapped, reworked, scrapped again, and reworked again before we got a finished product.

Batman Returns

Catwoman was more or less guaranteed from the beginning. Early on, Two-Face was slated to be the major villain but by the time the first draft of the script came out, he was relegated to a bit part that would become a bigger threat in a later film, only to be pushed out altogether as the Penguin was perceived to be the next “big bad” in line after the Joker. Max Shreck was invented purely for the film as a way to link the 3 leads – he was a business contemporary of Wayne, the Penguin’s handler, and Catwoman’s number 1 target. Robin was also set to make his debut, though it was generally agreed that there were already enough characters in the film at that point.

Burton was given an increased amount of creative control over Batman Returns and as such he wanted to distance this film from the ’89 movie as much as possible. It is commonly cited that only a single reference to the previous film is included – the mention that Vale is Wayne’s ex – but there’s another that we’ll get to when we get to it. Burton was not overly concerned with following comic lore and had no issue with breaking existing convention if he thought it would make for a better cinematic experience. This is the main reason Batman’s overt “no kill” rule is not established.

The final result is a very dark film, feeling a bit like a feverish nightmare. The images are visceral and unnerving and it all has a very surreal quality to it. Sometimes it’s so over-the-top that it would be comical were it not so terrifying. Batman remained fairly grounded, but the sequel definitely treads unknown waters by cranking up the intensity. Let’s remind ourselves what makes this arguably the most divisive of all Batman films.

Batman Returns

Gotham City, Christmastime. Pee Wee Herman – er, Paul Reubens – stands by the window with his stylish cigarette holder (a nod to Meredith Burgess) while his wife screams in childbirth from the bedroom. The home is ornate and richly decorated for the holidays. Midway down the hall a doctor seems frozen with shock and confusion. The father (Reubens) enters the bedroom and lets out a shriek of his own.

Their composure returned, the man and wife down their martinis with an eerie stoicism as they gaze upon a cage-like box on the floor, violently rocking around. A nearby cat is snatched up through the bars. The couple looks at each other resolutely; whatever reservations they may have had no longer burden them. They hurriedly make their way through a snowy park with a black baby carriage, pausing once they reach a bridge. After one final check of their surroundings, they lob the basket into the icy waters below where it floats gently downstream.

As the opening credits begin, the basket continues its journey into a large storm drain. It eventually makes its way further and further underground, through progressively darker and narrower canals, under waterfalls and down steep slopes until it finally comes to rest on a shallow shelf where it is greeted by a cadre of emperor penguins.

Thirty-three Christmases later, Gotham streets are abuzz with holiday magic. The annual tree-lighting is about to begin, and the kid selling newspapers on the corner can be heard going on and on about alleged sightings of the “penguin man from the sewers” all over Gotham. Indeed something does lurk just below the feet of the unsuspecting Gothamites, wrapping his “flippers” around grates as if in a prison, surveying the world above.

High above the ground business mogul Max Shreck is meeting with the mayor in hopes of fast-tracking the construction of a new power plant despite the mayor’s insistence that they already plenty of power and then some to spare. Shreck tries to convince him that growth will outpace this projection, but the mayor again declines and tells Shreck that he’ll have to go through the usual red tape to get it done.

Batman Returns

Selina Kyle, Shreck’s mousey assistant / secretary, had hitherto been serving coffee to the businessmen. She pipes up saying she has a suggestion but quickly back-pedals and says she has more of question. Shreck pokes fun at her impropriety, the table gets a chuckle, and they all head down to the lit tree at the behest of Chip, Max’s son. Selina is embarrassed beyond belief and chastises herself for her outburst.

On their way to the tree, Shreck seems to suggest that he could initiate a recall regarding the mayor’s election but the mayor confidently retorts that he has no candidate or real issue to run with. Everyone then puts on their polite faces and the mayor steps up the mic, introducing Shreck as “Gotham’s Santa Claus” to the cheering crowd. Max fumbles around for a moment and upon realizing he forgot his speech, tells his son to remind him to take it out on “what’s-her-name.” At the same moment, Selina realizes the same. She grabs his notes and begins making her way to the street.

Max bounces back with a short, humble speech about wanting to “give back” to the city that he’s found so much luck in. All the while our underground buddy has been keeping watch of the time, and just as the speech wraps, a huge gift box appears behind the crowd. The mayor assumes it to be Max’s doing, but he is quick to deny it. It suddenly bursts open as all sorts of clowns and circus-like performers burst forth, a group that we’ll soon know as the Red Triangle Gang. These masked gangbangers turn the event upside down and the Bat-signal is activated.

Batman Returns

Selina reaches the street just in time for the attack. She is nearly a victim though Batman appears in a nick of time to save her. She tries to thank him but true to form she exudes massive amounts of awkwardness. We’re treated to a few moments of the Batmobile taking out the oddly-armed circus gang with an array of gadgets, and I’m pretty sure a couple of those guys were “inadvertently killed” by the Batmobile’s anti-personnel measures. A group of clowns attempt to capture Max specifically, though Chip jumps in front of them and insists that his dad save himself. Shreck hesitates, but his cowardice prevails and he makes a break for it. However, once out of sight and assumes himself safe, the sewer grate drops out from under him and somehow deposits him directly into the Penguin’s lair.

In case it isn’t obvious, the vicious little baby that got thrown in the river 33 years prior grew up to become “The Penguin.” He lives with this weird troupe of criminal circus performers and a whole lot of emperor penguins, courtesy of the derelict Gotham Zoo and specifically the “Artic World” section within.

The Penguin – diminutive, rotund, dirty, crass, immodest – wishes to be respected and adored in the world above and wants Max to help him accomplish this. When Max claims he has no reason to assist him, the Penguin draws attention to the fact that anything that ends up down the drain ends up him possession. His first exhibit is a container of toxic waste from one of Shreck’s so-called “clean” manufacturing plants and that there’s tons more of it. Max is unflinching. Penguin then produces damning paperwork that Max had thought was shredded, though as the Penguin put it, all it took was “a lot of tape and a little patience.” Max is still unmoved.

Finally the Penguin whips out his coupe de grace, the hand and forearm of one Fred Atkins, a previous business associate of Shreck’s who Shreck claimed was on extended vacation. The little sewer man claims to have additional parts as well. This seems to be the tipping point for Max who now agrees to help orchestrate the Penguin’s re-emergence.

Batman Returns

Selina comes home to an empty apartment save for her cat. A slew of depressing messages populate her answering machine – a couple of desperate calls from her mother, a guy who she was going on a Christmas getaway with cancels on her, and the last one is from herself, reminding her she has to go all the way back to the office to prepare for Shreck’s meeting with Mr. Wayne in the morning.

As she thumbs through a filing cabinet later that night, Max returns from his underground excursion. She describes in great detail all the prep work she’s done, obviously eager to please and even impress her boss. She mentions accessing his protected files by way of guessing his password and inadvertently reveals that she’s found the gimmick behind Shreck’s supposed “power plant.” Selina describes it as a capacitor that draws power and stores it, rather than something that creates additional power. This is obviously a secret Max wants to keep hidden, though his purpose behind wanting such a contraption is as of yet unknown. It is too late by the time Selina realizes just how she’s overstepped, genuinely terrified, she promises to keep the secret and consents to being bullied because, as she puts it, “it’s not like you can just kill me!” With a calculated coldness he replies, “actually, it’s a lot like that.”

Selina is sick with fear as Max edges closer with a menacing glint in his eye. Just as the tension crescendos be breaks character with a joking smile. Selina’s relief is immediate but before she can finish her sentence Max pounces, shoving her through the window where she falls several stories to her presumed death. However, this is Gotham City… Shreck saunters off, cool as a cuke, while Selina’s body grabs the attention of dozens of stray cats. They flock towards her, encircle her, one of them even begins gnawing at her fingers. After a bit of twitching her eyes pop wide open.

Batman Returns

She re-enters her apartment in a scene mirroring her previous return home but this time things are quite different. She seems to be in a trance, dropping her belongings and making a mess when feeding her cats. Once again she plays her messages, and once again her overbearing mother has called. She mentions something about Shreck’s (the department store that Shreck is mostly closely associated with) and Selina loses it, trashing her small living space. Her destructiveness leads to a burst of creativity. Using her sewing machine and whatever else is lying around – mainly some kind of vinyl / pleather jacket – she fashions a skin-tight suit with a cowl resembling that of a cat. Selina also gives herself retractable “claws” to complete the “Catwoman” image. As the camera pans out, we see that the neon letters on her wall that once spelled out “Hello There” are a little different. The “o” and “t” have been smashed, leaving behind an ominous warning: “Hell Here.”

Batman Returns

The following day the mayor gives an impromptu speech vowing to crack down on crime and ensure that an attack like that of the Red Triangle Gang the night before doesn’t happen again. Speak of the devil, one of those clown-faced goons pops up, snatches the mayor’s newborn child from its mother’s arms, and hops straight down an open manhole. Anxious onlookers hear a shuffle, followed by something like, “take the baby, don’t hurt me ugly penguin man!” and a few seconds later, the Penguin uses his little platform to literally ascend with the infant.

Shreck’s plan was working. The press were already crowding around this novel aberration, and Penguin was doing his best to appear humble and timid. He respectfully requested some space so that he could find out who his parents were and perhaps understand why they did what they did. The Penguin spends all day at the Hall of Records with the entire affair becoming a major press event. Bruce is at first sympathetic, probably due to his own parental issues. However, as the day wears on, Bruce does more and more digging into these traveling freak shows and their connections to missing persons. By nightfall he is skeptical and believes that the Penguin already knows who his parents are. Alfred all but accuses him of being paranoid, though Bruce’s research leaves him more and more concerned.

Batman Returns

The Penguin emerges sometime in the evening or night, has a big dramatic fall-on-knees moment in front of his parents’ grave, and addresses the excited crowd. “I am a man!” he proclaims. He has determined that he is one Oswald Cobblepot and reasons that when his parents saw a “shiny flipper” holding a rattle instead of “five chubby fingers,” “they freaked.” (I’ve always found this statement strange – he doesn’t exactly have “flippers.” The shiny black part is just a pair of gloves. His hands are deformed with his outer 3 fingers on each hand fused, but they’re still very much flesh and bone.) Despite his parents’ fear of him, he makes a show of publicly forgiving them (even though both are deceased).

The crowd is enamored by the Penguin’s gentleness and lack of need for bitterness, anger, or retribution. They praise his positive attitude and it looks like the guy is on the verge of becoming a role model.

Nearby a woman walks alone. Her would-be attacker snatches her down an alley but before he can follow through Catwoman is on the scene. She says some snarky shit about his small weiner, lands a couple of blows, and then slashes up his face with her new “claws.” The woman attempts to thank her fellow female but Catwoman damn near attacks her, accusing her of making it “too easy” and hoping that the Batman would come to her rescue. She officially identifies herself as Catwoman and then flips off into the night.

Bruce and Max meet the next morning about that ol’ power plant and Bruce echo’s the mayor’s sentiment – we’ve got enough power, dude. Again Max plays the, we’ll grow faster than you think card. Bruce stands firm, causing Max to get a little testy, implying that the plant will be built one way or another. Bruce concedes that such a thing may be possible now that Max has a crime lord (Penguin) in his back pocket. This really pushes his buttons and he issues the half-threat that were his assistant at the office she would’ve already escorted him out.

Max’s face is full of shock, a hundred questions, and even a little bit of fear as Selina ambles into view. The neurotic and uptight assistant has been replaced by a freer, more confident woman. Bruce remembers meeting her as Batman the night before. He evidently has some instant attraction to he, tripping over his own words so badly that he doesn’t seem to notice the tense, unspoken moment she shares with Shreck. Bruce notices the injuries on her head and hand, and Shreck takes the opportunity to jump in and ask if she hurt herself on her ski trip and if that’s why she’s back early. Selina flirts with disaster a little bit by claiming not to have total amnesia by playfully recanting odd childhood memories, but admitting that “last night” was a total blur.

NOTE: There is a bit of a time flub going on here. If we go by most of the dialog, the first night depicted in the movie is the lighting of the tree, the Red Triangle attack, and Selina’s “death” and transformation. Following that night would be the morning where Bruce and Max meet. It looks like this was the original plan, and that the entire day and night spent with the Penguin’s introduction was originally slated for a later point in the film. My guess is that they wanted to work the Penguin’s introduction in earlier, so they added an extra night in there. It doesn’t really affect anything aside from a few lines of dialog, so no real harm done.

Bruce and Selina seem primed for a future date; meanwhile, Chip, who is aware of his dad’s cold-blooded murder questions what to do about the resilient secretary. Max seems unconcerned, rhetorically asking, “who’d have thought Selina had a rain to damage?” He then delivers one of his best lines of the film while still speaking to Chip and adjusting his tie, “if she tries to blackmail me, I’ll drop her out a higher window.” I daresay Walken channels some inner mafioso to give the line some extra punch.

Later on Max visits the Penguin, who for the time being is held up in the upper levels of some building in the city with a few members of the Red Triangle. He urges the grotesque little man to come downstairs for a surprise, though it apparently the Penguin is in the middle of something important and doesn’t wish to be bothered with Max’s schemes. It turns out that the Penguin has a master plan of his own but that’ll come a little later. Max coaxes him downstairs with a raw fish; Penguin devours it about as disgustingly as possible as he descends the stairs to an applauding crowd.

The next stage of Max’s plan involves issuing a recall and putting the Penguin up for the position of mayor. Penguin doesn’t seem too keen on the idea but finally agrees after Max lists the various perks that will become available to him. This downstairs office is basically campaign headquarters, and various workers attempt to make the uncouth man-bird a little more palpable to the public. These early efforts are a total failure and show what a degenerate the Penguin really is; he chomps down on a guy’s nose for virtually no reason. All that’s left is to create a reason for the recall…a relentless onslaught by the Red Triangle oughta do it….

The attack begins that night, with lots of bombs and fires and general property damage. Batman does his best to clean up what he can, which includes flat-out killing a dude by stuffing a bomb down his pants, eventually running across Penguin for their first face-to-face meeting. Their conversation about who’s going to win this whole thing is brief due to none other than…Catwoman!…flipping into frame. The 3 animal-themed, issue-ridden, 30-somethings exchange glances, giving Catwoman time for a quick “Meow” before Shreck’s Department Store explodes behind her. While everyone else was dealing with the circus freaks, Selina was busy picking up her whip over in “Sporting Goods” and getting some practice in. She then broke the gas line and made her way outside just in time to bump into her fellow cosplayers.

Batman Returns

The ensuing explosion precluded the ability of anyone to ask anyone else any questions, and instead offered Catwoman a chance to escape upwards. Penguin uses one of his fancy parasols to give chase while Batman uses his tried and true grapnel lines for his method of upward mobility. The Penguin presumably escapes to less fist-fighty shores, but the Bat and Cat begin trading blows. Catwoman even gains the upper hand at one point, holding Batman high above Gotham by the strength of her whip. Always prepare, Bats throws some kind of glowy blue thing at her which shatters against her arm and gives Batman enough of an opening to get his feet back on solid ground. Then it’s Catwoman who nearly slides off the roof, though Batman pulls her back up. They share a strange moment perched together on a narrow ledge until the lady in black sinks her claws into Batman. He reflexively punches her, sending her sailing off the roof and straight down into a large truck full of kitty litter. She lets the vehicle carry her away and Batman chooses to head home and lick his wounds.

Over at Penguin’s campaign HQ, the corpulent sewer-dweller denounces the current mayor’s ability to keep the city safe and officially announces his intention to vie for the spot. He makes his way to his quarters upstairs where Catwoman is waiting for him. The entire exchange is pretty difficult to watch because of how over the top and unnatural it is. Between Catwoman trying to act like both a literal cat and a temptress, and the Penguin with all of his grunting and groaning and making a bee-line for lube…I guess it’s supposed to be funny but it is goofy and embarrassing and unnecessary. She almost eats a bird, he almost kills a cat, she begins to “take a bath,” doing that thing where a cat will lick its paw and then rub its paw on its face…

Batman Returns

Anyway the gist of it is pretty simple. Catwoman wants to team up with Penguin to rid Gotham of Batman. Apparently she feels rather slighted after he “napalm-ed” her arm (not napalm) and knocked her off a building (this doesn’t make much sense). The Penguin lets her in on a plan in-progress to take remote control of the Batmobile and blow it up. Catwoman warns him against this course of action, elaborating that turning Batman into a martyr will bring about even more challenges. Instead, she proposes that they bring him down to their level, framing him before disposing of him.

Bruce watches a televised announcement by the Penguin, asking the mayor to come for a re-lighting of the Christmas tree tomorrow night. He also openly wishes for Batman to attend in order to keep the peace.

During daylight hours Bruce and Selina run into each other on the street. Bruce seems to be doing some Christmas shopping while Selina stares at her reflection in a window and asks herself, “why are we doing this?” Bruce notices her less-than-stellar mood and invites her over to watch the tree re-lighting on TV at his place. Selina declines, so Bruce counters with an early dinner to which she agrees.

The pair chats fireside for a while before Bruce starts trying to go into “duality” and all that. Here is where we get our first of two references to Batman, where Bruce mentions his ex-girlfriend Vicki. Apparently it didn’t work out because Vicki just couldn’t handle his 2 sides. It isn’t long before they start getting intimate, but wandering hands threaten to dredge up old wounds – literally. Bruce flinches in pain as Selina’s body weight presses against his abdominal injury, and Selina does some calculated squirming to keep Bruce’s hand from brushing over her “napalm” (not napalm) wound. Commissioner Gordon then appears on TV, holding a bloodied Batarang found in the Ice Princess’ room…but no Princess in sight.

Bruce and Selina are both eager to get to the event, though neither wants to hurt the other’s feelings. Each of them have an awkward but humous conversation with Alfred about what to tell the other.

Batman is the first to arrive at the party, just in time to hear the mayor try reassure the citizens that everything is being done to keep everyone safe and so forth. He manages to find the Ice Princess but is ambushed by Catwoman. A quick scuffle ensues where Batman utters the iconic, “eat floor!” line, but Cats is able to escape with the hostage. Bats gives chase and find the Princess precariously positioned on the ledge. She claims that the crazy cat lady let her go, but Batman approaches cautiously. Penguin pops up and throws out an umbrella much like a spear (“Lawn dart!”) which opens and releases a swarm of bats. These throw the Ice Princess off balance, and Batman just isn’t quick enough to reach her. The end result is that the Christmas tree of Gotham is re-lit thanks to the Ice Princess landing on the switch, and the crowd looks up to see Batman at the edge, logically jumping to the conclusion that he simply shoved her off of the roof. Oh right, it probably doesn’t help that the tree was rigged to release even more bats on the unsuspecting crow when the tree was re-lit.

Batman Returns

Gordon and a couple of unis make it to the roof and the unis immediately open fire – Gordon manages an order of “hold your fire!” about 6 or 8 shots too late. He falls to a lower rooftop that just happens to be where Catwoman is milling around because she’s able to pounce on him as soon as he lands. They have another strange psycho-sensual moment where Catwoman basically says “I like you” as she pulls out some mistletoe. “Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it, says the Bat on his back. “A kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it,” retorts the Cat. I guess this is supposed to me some hard-ass reply, but I don’t see it. Seems kinda corny if anything.

She then proceeds not so much to kiss him as she licks him…yeah more cringe cat shit that I think someone thought would elicit some kind of fetishistic response…I don’t know. We then get a taste of weird-ass Gotham cat-lore; Batman is apparently the second man to kill her (Shreck being the first) so technically speaking she’s got a whopping 7 lives left. Batman reiterates that he had been trying to save her. Catwoman then points out that he just now “tried to save” the Ice Princess and perhaps he should retire. There are some ham-fisted feminist undertones here that I think are uncalled for but the encounter is brief. Catwoman tries to recreate their previous encounter by stabbing him again but alas! The Bat has adapted (a nice touch) and her “claws” can no longer penetrate the Batsuit. He glides off into the night.

Catwoman and Penguin rendezvous with Penguin ready to celebrate their victory. Catwoman chides the little man for killing the Ice Princess. “I thought you only wanted toscare her,” she says. “She looked pretty scared to me!” replied the bird, followed by a cruel and indifferent cackle. With all of the vulgarity he can muster, he wishes to consummate his partnership with Catwoman. Completely revolted, Catwoman spells it out for him, “I wouldn’t touch you to scratch you.” Enraged, he manages to hook his parasol around her neck as it turns into a micro-helicopter. I guess the idea is that it goes up up up until Catwoman can no longer breathe or either runs out of juice and crashes. Doesn’t matter though; she frees herself within a moment or two and falls through a glass ceiling into a rooftop greenhouse, then shrieks loud enough to break whatever glass didn’t break during her fall. According to my math, now she’s down to 6 lives.

Batman makes his way back to his vehicle. Penguin reveals himself on the small screen built into the dash and takes control of the Batmobile from a remote location. Those circus performers must’ve been crazy tech-savvy to pull something like this off. The Penguin uses the opportunity to chase down pedestrians and cause some spectacular vehicular damage. He also can’t resist bragging about how beautifully his plan has been going so far. Being the smart cookie that he is, Batman decides to record this virtual confession. Fortunately Batman is also able to locate the foreign dongle and remove it. He continues to outrun the police and we’re treated to another awesome feature of this Batmobile: its transformation into the “Batmissile.” The sides peel away so that the entire vehicle is only as wide as the cockpit, the wheels fold in to accommodate, and it allows our hero to squeeze through tight spots.

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Safe at home, Alfred remarks on the need of repairs for the Batmobile, citing security as a major concern. Bruce makes a lighthearted dig at his surrogate father, “Security…who’s the one that let Vicki Vale into the Batcave?” And there is reference number 2, as well as what I believe to be a humorous acknowledgement of something that the “real” Alfred would’ve never even considered.

When we rejoin Penguin he is extremely distraught over Batman’s survival, but Shreck assures him that the ploy has been successful. The waiting crowd has lost faith in both the major and the Caped Crusader and are primed to back Oswald Cobblepot as Gotham’s new leader. Penguin begins his speech, but Bruce and Alfred have other plans. From the Batcave they manage to jam the frequency that the Penguin is using and replace it with pieces of the recording taken from the Batmobile. Specifically the line, “I played this stinkin’ city like a harp from hell!” continues to repeat over the PA and the crowd immediately turns on him. Shreck publicly abandons the bird with a casual shrug. Penguin loses it as the crowd chucks lettuce and tomatoes at him, though he’s able to pop off rounds from his machine-gun-edition umbrella and scamper off. The police chase him through a park but for some unknown reason seem unable to catch up. A moment later a familiar footbridge comes into view, the very bridge where this creature had been abandoned to die some 33 years prior. Penguin clumsily topples over the edge to evade the encroaching officers, somehow finding his way back to his duck transport thing and then returning to his home in the disused zoo exhibit.

One of the circus lackeys congratulates him, “great speech Oswald!” and is promptly clocked in the face. “My name is not Oswald! It’s Penguin! I am not a human being! I’m an animal! Cold-blooded!” (A curious assertion to be sure. Birds are actually the only animals other than mammals which are endothermic, i.e. warm-blooded. Is this just a careless writing error? Or is it supposed to illustrate a random gap in Penguin’s knowledge? Or was it just supposed to fit with the fact that penguins live in cold climates?) Penguin requests his “lists” and then begins passing something out to what remains of the Red Triangle while he explains the big plan.

Through a coordinated effort, while all the rich parents are attending Shreck’s masquerade ball, the Penguin’s henchmen will kidnap all of Gotham’s first-born sons (a trait shared by the Penguin, naturally) and these children will then be tossed in the dark, cold waters of Gotham’s sewers to drown. These “lists” are what the villain has been accruing surreptitiously ever since that day spent in the Hall of Records. It explains all of his vague references to “other stuff,” his reluctance to devoting his time to becoming mayor, and his apparent over-reaction to Catwoman noticing some names on a list. The goal, according to Penguin, is for the children to suffer just as he has suffered, but this motivation seems flimsy at best. Firstly, the kids will die, they won’t spend 33 years growing up in the sewer. It’s the parents who will ultimately suffer.
Secondly, whether the children or the parents are the intended targets, neither have any bearing on the progenitor of his own suffering. I can’t tell if this is just bad writing or if the whole idea is that Penguin just wants to hurt people and this is the closet thing to a legitimate reason that he can contrive.

One of his goons expresses some uneasiness over kidnapping sleeping children and then drowning them – Penguin shoots him dead without hesitation. It’s a solid reminder not to let any sympathy we might have for the Penguin and his unfortunate circumstances get in the way of the fact that he is one bad dude.

(But seriously, if your boss orders you to kill multiple children, where do you think you’ll get by expressing even the slightest bit of trepidation over the task? If said boss has no qualms with murdering babies he definitely won’t be thinking twice about ending your life as well. Better off to just nod your head and feign compliance until you get the chance to split.)

Bruce arrives at Max’s party, conspicuously the only person we see not wearing a mask. Shreck finds him and the 2 jab at each other a bit. Bruce congratulates him on almost making a monster into the mayor though Shreck suggest that the real power rests within him. Bruce continues to mosey around looking quite lost until he finally spots Selina, who ironically, is also not wearing a mask. (I’ll touch on the symbolism here a little later on.) They slow dance together and Bruce admits that he only came to see her. Selina is flattered and a little surprised, though ultimately decides to come clean and confesses to Bruce that she’s actually here for Max. Nonplussed, Bruce begins to stammer about the pairing of Max and Selina. As soon as Selina realizes she’s given off the impression that there is some sort of romantic element between her and Max she’s thrown into a mild hysteria. To clear up any confusion, she retrieves a small pistol from her garter belt. Bruce tries to conceal the firearm as he realizes her intention to kill Max.

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Selina’s sanity is rapidly cracking as she urges Bruce not to stop her. She believes Max deserves to die and suggests that Bruce also knows what a horrible person he is. He tries talking her down but she appear disinterested, instead focusing on a bundle of mistletoe that the couple is currently passing under. “You know,” she says nonchalantly, “mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.” Bruce is beginning to have trouble keeping his own desires in check. “A kiss can be even deadlier…” he trails off. The blood drains from Selina’s countenance. “…If you mean it,” Bruce slowly finishes the line. “Does this mean we have to start fighting?” asks Selina nervously. “Let’s go outside,” answers Bruce.

But before the pair can exit, Penguin crashes the party from underneath, informing the elite Gothamites that his troops are currently gathering up their defenseless first-born sons. Penguin has come to nab Chip personally, though at Max’s insistence, Chip is allowed to remain and his father – uncharacteristically admirable – takes his place.

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With Max now locked in a cage in the Penguin’s artic den, the Red Triangle “Organ Grinder” is above ground, driving a sort of “train” filled with cages of small children. Unbeknownst to him, Batman is on his trail. The Organ Grinder’s small monkey companion makes his way back to the Penguin with a note from Batman, informing him that the children will be unable to attend. This makes 2 plans in a row foiled by Batman, and Penguin is pissed. Time for Plan B’s Plan B, which evidently is to kill fucking everything.

He gathers his actual penguins in some kind of amphitheater-like structure, each of them adorned with a harness, a rocket, and a little helmet. He issues orders – not really sure how the penguins understand them – but the current order of business is for his animal troops to march to Gotham Plaza and then fire off the rockets. According to a random woman who functions like a countdown computer, projected casualties are 100,000.

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While all this is unfolding, Batman is continuing to do his thing in style. In Act III of Batman he went airborne in the Batwing, and now in the sequel he takes to the tunnels of the underground with the Bat-Ski Boat. This large machine navigates the narrow passages with ease, both honing in on the Penguin’s exact location and tapping into the frequency guiding the actual penguins. With Alfred’s help, the penguins reach Gotham Plaza but fail to fire off their rockets, and are instead directed back towards the zoo. As the Bat-Ski Boat closes in, the remaining circus freaks abandon Penguin, forcing him to escape on his own. He uses his duck to get out of their, but some precise timing with the Bat-Ski Boat sees it crash through a wall and “decapitate” the mechanical duck.

Batman Returns

Penguin is at the end of his rope. Batman draws his attention to a device in his hand, and the would-be mayor notices that all the penguins are now back at the zoo. He swings his parasol-sword wildly at the Bat and actually manages to get the remote. I’m not sure why, but he presses the big red button, causing the rockets that each of the penguins are carrying to fire off. The zoo quickly fills with explosions and Penguin is knocked through a window, back down into the shallow water of his layer, seemingly dead.

It’s about this time that Max grabs the little monkey that possess the key to his cage. As he steps out, he is caught around the ankle with Catwoman’s whip. She is more than ready to kill him but Batman ziplines on in there and tries to talk her down. Max tries to thank him but gets the big old face palm from Bats and a, “shut up, you’re going to jail.” Catwoman, disshelved and unhinged, is still very much out for blood. Batman peels off his cowl to appeal to her as Bruce Wayne, reminding her of how simple it’d be to just turn him in and go home, together. She nearly relents, but gives Bruce a quick scratch before telling him that she’d never be able to forgive herself.

Batman Returns

Max, who is just now putting all of this together as he discovers who Bats and Cats truly are, injects a little bit of dark humor into things here at the end. First he gives Selina a firm, “You’re fired!” Then he asks why Bruce Wayne is dressed up like Batman. And Selina, frail and frazzled as she is, belts out, “Because he is Batman, you moron!” Rather unexpectedly, Max comes out with a deadpan, “not anymore” and shoots Bruce before taking aim at Selina. She recounts her previous deaths at the hands of Max, Bats, and Penguin, and wonders if Max has enough bullets for the rest of her lives. One, two shots ring out. “Four five…” she counts off. One, two more shots. “Six seven…” The gun is empty. Batman composes himself just in time to watch Selina kiss Max with the stun gun between them while she grabs a high voltage cable just above her head. Sparks fly and machinery crumbles and it takes a moment for it to all calm down.

And then, like a foul, bloated zombie, the Penguin rises from his watery grave, while viscous black blood oozes from his nose and mouth. He creeps towards Bruce, preoccupied with digging through the rubble left by Selina. The Penguin grabs a parasol and aims at Bruce…but it’s a “cute one.” The unmasked Batman watches this grotesque thing lumber ever closer, but apparently Penguin is getting a little too warm and requires some ice water before he can properly murder Bruce. He collapses face first near the edge of the water. A moment later, 6 large penguins enter the chamber and like avian pallbearers, sort of slide Penguin’s body back into the cold waters from whence he came.

As the exhibit continues to deteriorate around him, Bruce soon uncovers the charred remains of Max Schreck, looking a lot like Tony from Batman except with eyes. Selina, or any trace of her, is nowhere to be found. If you’re keeping up you know she’s still got one life left.

Batman Returns.

Not long afterwards Bruce would catch a glimpse of something outside the car window. He asks Alfred to stop and rushes into the empty alley. And it is in fact empty. Just as he turns to leave a small black cat rubs against Bruce’s leg. He takes the cat back to the car, and he and Alfred wish each other a Merry Christmas. In one final scene, the camera pans upward from the streets of Gotham. The Bat-signal appears. Normally we’d catch big man pop into frame at this point but wait, no, it’s Catwoman! Is she Gotham’s newest vigilante? Or is she there to settle an old score? We may never know. We won’t ever know. This last scene was tacked on just before the public release after test groups responded unfavorably to the ambiguity of Catwoman’s status
after she killed Shreck. So the studio called in a stand in (that is not Pfeiffer in the final shot), got a nice shot of the back of head, and stuck Gotham-by-night in the background.

So that’s a wrap. Batman has returned. Successful? Enjoyable? Worthwhile? Let’s talk about it.

Before really getting under the hood of Batman Returns I think it’s necessary to understand how truly dark and bleak and visceral this film is. To quote one of Roger Ebert’s sentiments about the film, “the PG-13 rating is a joke.” While it is fair to say that there’s a fair bit of camp and purposeful exaggeration present, these aspects don’t somehow negate the darker aspects; if anything, they work to highlight these moments by contrast. This might be the closest thing we have in mainstream cinema as of right now that fits a superhero story into the mold of a horror movie, or at least something very similar.

Ebert would also go on to mention that children were being led from theaters in tears after watching Returns and funnily enough, I can attest to that first hand. I was 7 years old at the time and well-acquainted with the ’89 film, so it seemed only natural for my mom to take me to see the sequel one Saturday or Sunday afternoon. I remember feeling uneasy as soon as it became evident that whatever was in that little box snatched up the family cat. Penguin himself is quite a sight as well, especially on the big screen, but I was pretty good at separating fiction from reality even at that age, and I at least internalized that, as gruesome as Penguin was, he was not real. He was a guy dressed up to look like this.

I remember my anxiety really ramping up about the time Selina came home for the second time, after she’d been pushed out the window. The way she slovenly drank the milk from the cartoon and poured it all over herself, the total freak out where she started smashing everything “cute” in her apartment and jamming stuffed animals down the garbage disposal…this is what really started to break me. This was a regular woman smashing up regular stuff, not some costumed megalomaniac wielding a death machine. I’d also been amply softened up by the preceding scene where creepy-ass Christopher Walken victimized poor timid Michelle Pfeiffer. The cats gnawed on her bloody fingers and her eyes rolled back in her head…

My mom was aware of my discomfort. I did manage to survive a few more minutes under the assurance that we could leave if I wanted to and it would be OK. Shortly thereafter Catwoman has her first outing as Catwoman, and she rescues a young lady from a random thug. She runs her claws down the man’s face and then across (like ‘Tic-Tac-Toe’) and even though it isn’t a very gory scene cat scratches are something I could very much relate to at that age. I told my mom I’d had enough and we left. I don’t think I was quite in tears as per Ebert’s observation, but I was close enough.

In some ways, these things that made Batman Returns an inappropriate children’s movie really helped it solidify its place as a memorable and evocative superhero movie. I believe that the underlying incongruency was that all this darkness and insanity and visual spectacle were done because this was a Tim Burton film, not because it was a Batman film. Of course the world of Batman can be dark and unnerving, disturbing and provocative, weird and nightmarish, but I think the majority of what we see in Batman Returns is “Burton-flavored” darkness / weirdness / whatever rather than “Batman-flavored” darkness / weirdness / whatever. In fact, you can build a pretty clean stylistic bridge between Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas using Returns. (Yes I know Edward Scissorhands is in the middle of all that, I’m just much less familiar with it.)

So, barring the fact that children under the age of 10 or 11 probably aren’t ready for this flick, what makes it compelling? Why does it endure as such a divisive unique piece of Batman media? The biggest draw without a doubt is the characters and the actors and actresses that bring them to life. Starting with our hero, Keaton does a fine job of both reprising his role from Batman and building on the character in believable ways. More than a few Batman stories suffer because the character of Batman himself begins to eclipse the specific narrative and the external events all become a foil for the exploration of Batman’s psyche..but not here. We don’t get all hung up on how these events can possibly lead us to a better understanding of who Batman is; Batman’s just doin’ his thing and that’s the way it ought to be.

Keaton specifically suggested to Burton that he say as little as possible when in costume in order to draw the line between Bruce and Bats as concretely as possible. I’m not sure I’d necessarily notice this going on, but I do think it was effective. We only actually see Batman in fits and spurts; despite the movie having overall more action that it’s predecessor, Batman is used more sparingly (or at least that’s what it feels like to me; I don’t have an exact rundown of minutes and percentages). Some fans will want a more broody Dark Knight but I don’t mind the levity that Keaton brings to the role. He feels very normal and down to earth, though perhaps at the expense of coming across as a bit bland and boring. I wish we saw a little more of Bruce Wayne being Bruce Wayne, such as his awkward but endearing early interactions with Selina.

About that Selina… Michelle Pfeiffer certainly gives one of the most memorable performances of her career in this role but I feel like whatever “the crazy” looked like on paper didn’t 100% translate to the screen. I don’t know whether to blame her or the script, but I do feel like the script and/or Burton’s direction of “being crazy” wasn’t well-tailored to Pfeiffer’s strengths and weaknesses. Nearly everything that comes out of her mouth as Catwoman is cringeworthy. They’re bad middle schooler jokes with lots of not-so-subtle innuendo and/or double entendre. She also does her best to active this deep, smokey voice that you might expect to come from a procuress in an adult film. She was only around 34 years old at the time of Returns, and although she was beautiful with a body to die for, she has a mature look about her that clashes harshly with that cutesy sort of borderline-infantile way of speaking.

As Catwoman, the character is broken and off the rails. As Selina Kyle, Pfeiffer does a much better job of portraying a woman who is breaking and still at conflict with herself. She excels at portraying the insignificant, neurotic assistant and even nails the transition into empowered carefree spirit such as when she’s with Bruce. I thinks she sticks the landing at the end very well too, it’s just all the PG-13-flavored cocktease stuff in between that brings the role down.

It all makes a little more sense when you know that Catwoman was originally envisioned as purely a seductress – that’s where the S&M-inspired Catsuit came from. Most of the overt sexualization was culled by the time the final draft came around, but the feminist overtones that had always been integral to her character remained, albeit reworked into her origin as a “servant” (assistant) who was very submissive besides.

Personally I’ve never been the biggest fan of this “nutcase” version of Catwoman. In most media she’s strong-willed and competent, very street-smart, and very down to earth. This unhinged, looney-bin version feels like some kind of Joker victim and doesn’t capture the independent, self-sustained spirit that typically defines the anti-hero. I guess they did what they did for Returns to help drive home the concept of duality, and that’s fine, but “duality” isn’t really Catwoman’s schtick.

Love him or hate him, Danny DeVito’s portrayal of the Penguin is impossible to ignore. His diminutive stature and the absolutely unsettling makeup give him a ghastly appearance. I don’t even know how to describe him. Yeah he’s bird-like, but he’s closer to some kind of deep water arctic fish…like an anglerfish or a goblin shark. Was the Penguin just a funny-looking little man or was he actually deformed? I think it’s fair to say that this is up for interpretation, and Burton decided to really push the deformity factor. It’s easy to dislike this version, but it’s hard to forget it, and that’s the hallmark of an effective design.

Even beyond the looks, DeVito perfects Penguins’ snarl and he develops a sort of waddle-shuffle to further connect him to the world of his namesake. We all notice the beaked nose, gnarly teeth, and deformed hands, but it’s the little touches that push the character over the edge: the wiry, greasy hair, the dingy Victorian-era clothes, the mysterious oily black liquid…you can almost smell the guy through the screen – the thick scent of dead and rotting fish with an undercurrent of human filth.

I can totally sympathize with the fact that this wasn’t the Penguin a lot of people wanted. In a lot of Batman comics, the Penguin is more of a facilitator, a schemer, a backer, but he’s not going toe to toe with Batman. Aspects of this crime lord persona are drawn upon for DeVito’s version, though this is a much more primal and less cerebral character than the civilized gangster most of us are used to. For the story that Batman Returns wanted to tell I think the change was acceptable enough and really any ol’ human could double as some sort of mob boss. It makes sense to give Penguin a more twisted edge

The last big player, Max Schrek, is the glue that was created to hold the other 3 together. He has no comic book counterpart, and although some suggest he filled the role that would’ve gone to Harvey Dent, it seems like Shreck was almost envisioned as his own entity. Christopher Walken without a doubt steals every scene he’s in. He’s charismatic yet eerie, cordial but mysterious, magnanimous but clearly dangerous. His affect straddles that of high ranking mobsters and something else, something more sinister, almost supernatural even. Everything from his cadence to this word choice to his mannerisms and facial expressions seem to suggest something very inhuman about his humanity.

Shreck is meant to be representative of an earlier 20th Century industrialist. Greedy, ambitions, shrewd, a devotee of capitalism…he’s willing to pay the high price of progress. But even beyond all that, he’s kinda just a bad dude that enjoys being bad. However, his son Chip does seem to be a weak spot for him. Despite how cowardly he was early on when Chip jumped in front of Penguin’s thugs and told him to save himself, Max appears to show genuine concern for Chip when he convinces Penguin to leave his son behind and to take him instead. He also mentions on more than one occasion that his new “power plant” was part of what he was leaving as his legacy to his son. It’s difficult to reconcile these aspects of his character with the fact that he pushed Selina out of a window – and was apparently ready and willing to do it again if necessary – and also attempted to kill Bruce/Batman, not to mention whatever crazy shit he had done previously such as murdering his former associate Fred (the arm that Penguin used as blackmail). My best guess is that this is once again meant to illustrate the duality that drives the main characters.

For the most part I feel like Batman Returns is slightly more entertaining than Batman, mostly due to the increase in action and better pacing. However I do feel like the story itself is a bit weaker and that too much of the Joker’s “goofy factor” was carried over. The main issue I take with the story is the muddy motivation of some of the characters. Penguin’s revenge plot sounds like it makes sense, but if you really dig into it, it’s unclear who he’s trying to punish, why he’s trying to punish them, and what connection any of it has to his parents. He says he wants the first-born sons of Gotham to suffer as he suffered, but they won’t, they’ll just drown and die. The real suffering will fall on their parents, but what do they have to do with Penguin’s misfortune? Perhaps if he had tried to make a life for himself above ground and then was driven back into the sewers because of the ridicule and alienation of the average Gothamite I could understand. But these parents have literally done nothing to him, directly or indirectly.

Maybe the takeaway here is that the Penguin wants somebody to pay for his suffering and he doesn’t really care who. Isn’t that what a supervillain is supposed to do? Inflict pain and suffering for weak and/or no good reason? Usually villains are vying for some degree of control, which he would gain as a mayor, but this doesn’t seem to be a primary concern. Much like Nolan’s Joker 16 years later, it would seem that Penguin just wants to watch the world burn. Or maybe freeze.

Catwoman’s motivations are even more nebulous. At first it would seem like she’s on the same side as Batman. Obviously she sees Max in a similar light that Bruce does; corrupt, greedy, a bad dude. She even rescues that poor girl during her first official outing as Catwoman. So why did she run to the Penguin with a pitch for an alliance? She says it’s because Batman “knocked her off a roof” but this is ridiculous – Batman actually saved her from falling, then she stabbed him, and then he clocked her more or less out of self-defense.

Knowing that there are major feminist underpinnings to the character I guess we can say that she’s uncomfortable with any man in any position of power, especially those that directly, physically threaten her. Maybe she thinks Batman has to go because he’s a man and quite probably stronger than her, I don’t really know. In some ways I feel like they just wanted Catwoman to be the villain, so she has to has to have an adversarial relationship with Batman because she’s the villain. Whatever the case may be, she is far from fully fleshed out. She isn’t meaningfully established as either an anti-hero or villain. She isn’t malicious or sadistic so it doesn’t really work to paint her as a bad guy, but she’s a little too “looney toons” to act as a source of virtue or admiration.

What we needed in the case of Selina Kyle was an arc that showcased growth – she starts out as a very morally black-and-white vigilante with no mercy and no remorse and with a few twists of her own plus some guidance from Batman begins to develop some level of nuance when judging others and tries to act more in line with justice rather than vengeance. She doesn’t have to be Mary Fuckin’ Poppins by the time the credits roll, but it would’ve been nice to see her walk the path that was at least running parallel to Batman’s path by the end. Sadly Burton plus the writers seemed more interesting in crafting a story chronicling not her growth, but her decline.

As for Max, well, his motivations were the simplest and made the since. He was a greedy capitalist obsessed with power, influence, and posterity. If you could help him achieve these things then excellent, he’d help you. If you couldn’t, well, you at least better not stand in his way. One’s moral standing had absolutely nothing to do with their value to Max, simple as that.

My last major qualm with Returns is how so much of the bad guy “stuff” was almost “Joker-fied,” as if to try to subtly keep pace with the previous film. There are just way too many aspects of the villains that revolve on something that is traditionally seen as comedic being subverted and presented as something sinister. Right from the jump, the Penguin’s main foot soldiers are a gang of creepy clowns. Virtually all of Catwoman’s dialog consists of cat puns. Shreck has that big goofy cat face everywhere. Penguin uses one of those quarter ride machines to remotely control the Batmobile. He uses a giant rubber duck to get around the sewers. The audience chucks vegetables at the Penguin as the “boo” him! It’s almost like pitting good against bad isn’t enough – they feel obligated to juxtapose Batman’s serious demeanor with shit that is just plain silly

Call it an oversimplification if you must, but I like trying to nail down the theme of a movie to a single word. With a little help from what Burton and others have said about Batman Returns I think, with relatively high confidence, we’ve found that word: duality. Obviously the concept and character of “Batman” embodies a certain degree of duality but the river runs a tad deeper in this second installment. I don’t want to launch into a full dissertation on the topic (at least not now…) but I do want to at least point out what I’ve noticed.

All of our main characters are defined by their dualism. Batman’s is 2 fold: there’s the obvious conflict of Bruce Wayne, billionaire playboy vs. Batman, crime fighting vigilante. But there’s also the shallow, aloof, materialistic traits that define Bruce Wayne versus the strong moral convictions of Batman, as well as his perseverance, resilience, and selflessness. “Batman” may physically don the mask, but “Bruce Wayne” is a mask, a persona created so that “Batman” is able to thrive. It is Bruce Wayne whom he “pretends” to be, so that he may live out his true passion and purpose as the Bat Man.

This aspect is reinforced at Shreck’s masquerade ball. Bruce and Selina are the only ones not wearing literal masks, and yet they are the only ones who wear actual masks in other areas of their life unlike the other partygoers. We can surely view this as simple irony, i.e. “the two that actually do wear masks show up to the masquerade without masks” but we can also go a layer deeper and reason that the normal(ish) folks we call “Bruce” and “Selina” are the masks and they can only live out how they truly feel when they put on their physical masks. The idea that “Bruce is the mask, Batman is the ‘real’ version of this man” is nothing new when it comes to Batman in general, but most media outside of the comic books doesn’t bother to dig this deep and it’s nice to see Returns flirt with the concept.

Selina is a bit on the insane side, but it isn’t difficult to see that the timid, weak, pushover that she play in Shreck’s office isn’t who she wants to be. Being Catwoman (or really, becoming Catwoman) frees her and empower her to speak her mind, to stand up for herself and others, to do anything aside from existing as a servant, a punching bag, an object. As the film progresses though, it’s evident that she needs to put limits on the “Catwoman side” of her identity. Getting herself out from under the thumb of oppression is by all accounts a good thing, but when this feeling of taking control starts turning into violent and murderous desires she runs the risk of tearing down all that she has gained by blossoming. The optimal balance lies not in the subservient assistant that she can never go back to, nor in the insatiable, revenge seeking persona of Catwoman that she can’t stop herself from falling into. She must accept the fact that within her exists the capacity to be both abused and abusive and successfully mediate these extremes. Unfortunately her journey in Batman Returns never quite takes her this far.

The Penguin spends his time during the film walking the thin line between acceptance and rejection, between adoration and ridicule, between respect and fear. The Penguin is selfish and unconcerned with who he may hurt as he works towards his goals, yet it is precisely this attitude and accompanying behavior that keeps his desires just out of reach. Max is integral in shaping Penguin’s socialization, though it’s worth remembering that Penguin actually chose Max to be the one to orchestrate his reintroduction to the world. Penguin’s duality is his struggle between his “animal-like” tendencies to do what feels good when it feels good and his desire for more complex and fulfilling forms of satisfaction that require some amount of sustained effort to achieve.

Penguin seems to find and manage his middle-ground to a much greater extent than Catwoman. He successfully erects a front as a pitiable orphan and makes appreciable strides towards becoming mayor, yet he is still able to act on his degenerate nature behind closed doors. In the end, his need to be seen and heard is his undoing. He cannot resist gloating to Batman about the giant hoodwink he’s pulled on the citizens of Gotham. He’s gained the recognition of Max, he’s been accepted by Gotham City, and now all he needs is some measure of fear or respect from the Batman himself; something, anything to acknowledge Penguin’s significance, his superiority in this situation. Not only does Batman deny him this validation, he tears it completely down without really having to do anything.

Max seems to reconcile his nature as a terrible person by trying to be an excellent father. Figuring out what makes him tick is a little more difficult; we have no real backstory on him, nor does the story provide him a handler or mentor or family member to act as a foil.

It’s interesting to ponder what Max must’ve been thinking when he voluntarily followed Penguin down into the sewers near the end. Did he simply think he had a better chance of surviving whatever Penguin would throw at him? Was he actually willing to lay down his life for Chip’s guaranteed survival? It’s one of the more interesting unanswered questions of the movie.

Are there any other avenues of duality to discuss in Batman Returns? Maybe. You could probably make good points that Batman and Catwoman represent duality in vigilantism – Bats is shooting more for justice and Cats is closer to vengeance. Bruce Wayne and Max Shreck embody the dualism of the rich and powerful. Do you use your position selflessly and become a philanthropist (Wayne), or do you amass wealth in the name of greed and desire (Shreck)? Finally Bruce and Penguin illustrate the duality of being orphaned. Bruce was able to feed off of the love and support of Alfred, Gordon, and probably many others in Gotham’s upper crust. He goes on to become a hero. The Penguin, thrown away like literal trash and completely forgotten, becomes a villain.

The sands of time have worn away some of the once-sharp edges of Batman Returns and it will continue to do so into the future. It will become an ever-smaller proportion of Batman media as more movies and books and games are created. However, it will always been impossible to watch this flick without it leaving some sort of impact. For better or worse this movie is a “visual assault.” Images of the grotesque bird-man alongside the fetishistic cat-lady are not easily forgotten. And that may be the legacy that Returns carries with it. And maybe that’s ok. It’s still a Batman film after all. I would probably stop just shy of considering this “required viewing” for DC fans, simply because of how evocative it can be at times. But if you can stomach it, it’s solid entertainment with a slew of truly unique performances. When it comes to children you of course know your own best just be cautious.

But hey, if you’ve got a knot in your stomach and your hands ready to cover your eyes, you can relax. You know all that talk about Batman Returns being “too dark”? Yeah well fear not, because the studio was of the same belief and come the next installment, the franchise was barley recognizable. Be sure to check it out!

Batman (1989) (Reviewing DC Comics in Film #10)

Is there anything to say about Batman that hasn’t already been said…? It was an absolute juggernaut upon release and its legacy continues to grow. It is hailed not only as a seminal piece of Batman media, but of superhero films in general. While it did help set the bar for future hero flicks and was itself successful at dramatizing comic book material in feature-length format, it’s age is starting to show. It was also an experimental piece in some ways, blurring the line between child-friendly and more adult-oriented material.

Batman

Perhaps Batman‘s most enduring impact is that it defined the character for an entire generation. Nowadays fans have a plethora of Batmans to latch onto or bounce between – the Arkham-verse Batman, Nolan’s Batman, the DCEU Batman, the version from Injustice, several distinct animated Batmans – the list goes on. Back in ’89, unless you were super into the comics, you really didn’t have much of a concept of Batman outside of the campy TV series from the late 1960s. Although the comics had been flirting with a darker, grittier, more tortured version of our titular hero since the mid-80s, the Tim Burton / Michael Keaton interpretation that hit the mainstream in 1989 was both an immediate shock and an instant success. Remember that back in 1989 reruns of the classic TV series were still relatively commonplace on cable channels like TBS and smaller local networks like WLFL.

In addition to defining (or in some cases redefining) Batman for all but the oldest Gen Xers and youngest Millennials, Batman gave us another timeless piece of Bat-gadgetry: the 1989 Batmobile, or to some of us, just the Batmobile. Batman has had literally dozens if not a few hundred Batmobiles throughout various forms of media, but for whatever reason, the timing and the design coincided at the perfect moment and this particular Batmobile became an enduring icon. Even today, 35 years later, nothing has come close to topping this iteration of the Batmobile, and even the well-known version from the TV series remains a distant second.

Batman

So what does Batman look like 3 and a half decades later?

Taking a cue from the Superman movies that came before, we get a long credits sequence as we follow the stone or metal curves of something. However, this is our first exposure to Elfmann’s unforgettable theme, which has become as much of a part of Batman as his cape and cowl. As the credits come to an end, the camera slowly zooms out to reveal the Bat-symbol.

The film begins with the crowded, bustling streets of Gotham City at night, overwhelming a young couple and their son who seem to be lost. The panicked father ignores the pleas of his wife as well as his son’s attempt at navigation. He tries desperately the hail a cab but is neither quick nor assertive enough. The unflinching crowd all seems to be moving in the opposite direction of the young family, beating them back, ceaselessly, like merciless ocean waves.

A few wrong turns later and the crowd begins to mysteriously thin out. The family has stumbled down an unsavory alley and is violently robbed by a couple of decrepit-looking street thugs. Unknown to them, the screams of the victims are heard by a shadowy figure, high among the rooftops. As the crooks take inventory of their score, one of them starts to get nervous, recounting a rumor regarding “the Bat.” His partner is dismissive of the tale, urging his friend to relax. Behind them, Batman quietly glides into view before revealing himself, looming above them with his cape outstretched.

The criminals make a run for it and one of them fires off a few shots. Batman drops, but promptly rises, seemingly unscathed. He launches the anxious one through a door with a single kick, then ensnares the other with a roped Batarang. As he dangles the degenerate over the edge of the roof, he begs for his life. Batman lets him know that he’s not gonna kill him, but he wants him to tell all his friends about him. “What are you??” cries the crook in fear and confusion.

“I’m Batman.”

Batman

The Caped Crusader leaps off the roof, disappearing from sight.

In the next scene we join some kind of celebration for Harvey Dent, Gotham’s new district attorney who promises to combat the city’s outrageous crime rate. Everything from the street gangs to government corruption is essentially blamed on one high-ranking mob boss, Carl Grissom, and this is where Dent vows to aim his efforts.

Gangster Jack Napier (who we know will at some point become the Joker since he’s played by Jack Nicholson) watches Dent’s shindig on TV alongside his girlfriend, reckoning that if Dent had any way to get to Grissom, Jack would’ve gotten Dent. The girl seems to be concerned with what might happen to Jack if Grissom “found out about them,” a possibility that Jack summarily disregards. He then meets up with Lieutenant Eckhardt, one of Gotham’s corrupt police officers, and hands him a pay out to keep the cops away from Axis Chemicals, one of Grissom’s front companies. The two have little respect for each other; Jack thinks Eckhardt is rash and incompetent while the Lt. regards Jack as an “A-1 nut boy.”

Batman

Just before the pay off, Eckhardt investigates the scene where the 2 muggers from the beginning were attacked. Both of them are incoherently muttering about a “giant bat” but the detective is unconvinced. Just then reporter Alex Knox shows up precisely to ask about this “giant bat,” which he mentions has been sighted 8 times within the past month. Eckhardt rudely brushes him off but Knox remains as convinced as ever.

A short scene reveals that the city is preparing to celebrate its 200th anniversary. The mayor is optimistic but Dent and Commissioner Gordon remain skeptical, citing that the people of Gotham are too scared and they are always way over budget for the event. The mayor retorts that the citizens won’t be scared once Grissom is brought into the courthouse, putting pressure on Dent and Gordon to deliver the crime boss ASAP.

Back at the newspaper office Knox is ridiculed for his belief in “the bat man” and his article on the subject is buried deep on the last page. He spots an unfamiliar pair of legs at his desk; it happens to be Vicki Vale, a famous photographer who has made her way to Gotham on account of these bat sightings. They immediately try to devise a means by which to procure actual proof. Knox is sure that Commissioner Gordon has a file on “the bat man” but laments that he can’t even reach him via phone. Vale knows that Gordon will be attending an event held by Bruce Wayne to help raise money for the upcoming anniversary, although Knox isn’t invited, Vale proudly displays her pair of invites.

Over at “bad guy HQ” we meet Grissom, an aging gangster with a Hugh Hefner air about him (portrayed by Jack Palance). He’s in the middle of a meeting where his advisors inform him that if the police were to make the connection to Axis Chemicals the entire operation would go up in flames. Jack is also in attendance, suggesting that they break in, trash the office, and burn the records, then claim to be a victim of industrial espionage. Grissom is instantly taken with the plan and orders Jack to carry out the mission personally. He exchanges a strange glance with his girlfriend as she comes home from shopping, suggesting that he may know about her infidelity. Jack urges Grissom to find someone else since the fumes bother him, but Grissom insists, reinforcing the importance of the job.

Grissom reminds Jack not to forget his “lucky deck” and once Jack has left, Grissom muses to himself that Jack’s “luck is about to change. He then places a call to Eckhardt, presumably to alert him to Jack’s whereabouts and enact his revenge over the shared girlfriend, Alicia.

Wayne’s benefit is in full swing, but Gordon is unexpectedly called away to Axis Chemicals – it seems Eckhardt has made a move without even telling Gordon. Knox and Vale end up in a secluded part of the mansion as they try to confront Gordon, but they bump into Bruce Wayne. Wayne is friendly with them and appears to know something about their interest in the bat man, but before the conversation can really go anywhere, Alfred appears to tell Wayne about Gordon’s hasty disappearance. Somewhat aloof at first, Wayne finally gets the hint that Alfred is trying to put out there – time to change clothes and go check out whatever grabbed the Commissioner’s attention.

At the chemical plant, Jack goes straight for the records only to discover that they’ve already been cleaned out. Immediately recognizing that they’re being set up, Jack’s men exchange fire with Eckhardt’s. Batman and Gordon soon arrive, with Gordon making it clear that they need to capture Jack alive in order to nail Grissom. This of course is counter to Eckhardt’s intentions to kill Jack on Grissom’s behalf.

Batman and Jack first come face to face on a catwalk, but Jack’s main goon Bob orders Batman to stand down on account of having the commissioner at gunpoint. As Jack makes his escape, he spots Eckhardt and with the words, “think of the future!” viciously guns him down. Naturally this brings Batman right on back over, and I guess we’re to assume Gordon broke free of Bob and the goons during the interim.

Jack fires at the Bat, who deflects the bullet, which then ricochets and shatters some glass. It’s difficult to know just what hits Jack in the face, though there is a lot of blood on his cheeks when we next see his face. Clutching at his wounds, he manages to flip over the railing of the catwalk. Batman catches him but is unable to pull him up to safety before Jack slips and lands in this vat of bubbly green stuff. Gordon witnesses at least the last few seconds of the encounter and orders his men to apprehend Batman but the Dark Knight easily slips through their fingers. It’s unclear how much Gordon saw and to what extent he actually thinks Batman “killed” Jack Napier.

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Cut to some sort of drainage pool for the chemicals some time later and we see Jack’s “lucky deck” bubble up, followed by Jack’s discolored hand in a rigid, claw-like position.

The next day Knox does his best to gather information on exactly what happened at Axis, but rumors abound, ranging from a simple suicide to the Bat Man intentionally throwing Jack into the vat of chemicals. I guess no one gave a shit about Eckhardt.

We get a bit of a breather as we segue into Act II; Vicki joins Bruce for a “date” at his opulent estate. The date begins rather awkwardly in an enormous dining room, the pair seated at opposite ends of a table that could probably seat 10 to 15 people on each side. It doesn’t take Bruce long to realize how cold and unwelcoming the environment is, and the 2 join Alfred at a cozy table in the kitchen while Alfred entertains Vicki with stories of Bruce as a boy.

The date “ends” on a high note, with Vicki eager to see Bruce again after spending the night together. Bruce is short and distant as he tells Vicki he is unavailable in the near future, and eventually tells her that he’ll be out of town for a few days. As she departs she wishes Alfred well on their trip, though Alfred mentions they aren’t going anywhere. She is noticeably confused and hurt by Bruce’s avoidance.

Elsewhere during the previous night we visit a rundown building with a neon sign reading “SURGERY” out front. A nervous “doctor” begins unrolling the bandages from his patient’s head and face; clearly this is what has become of Jack Napier. Jack reacts to his new appearance by laughing maniacally as the doctor explains that “all the nerves were completely severed.”

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Jack’s first order of business is to pay Grissom a visit. Grissom – along with everyone else – has taken Jack for dead. Jack berates him for sending him to his death over a woman and Grissom nervously tries to reach some sort of compromise. Jack steps into the light, musing that Jack is indeed dead and in his place is “the Joker.” His skin is white and his hair is green and he’s even got a bit of lipstick on to play up his namesake. Even creepier are the permanently upturned corners of his mouth, resulting in a grotesque and unsettling “grin.” He reasons with Grissom that he’s “much happier now” before unloading his revolver into the aging crime lord and taking his seat behind the desk.

In light of Grissom’s “absence,” Joker calls a meeting of all the higher-ups of the Gotham underworld, claiming that he will be acting president until Grissom “returns.” Quite simply, Joker wants to “run this city into the ground.” The others seem reluctant to agree and a guy named Tony questions what will happen to those who don’t agree. Joker amicably accepts the refusal and offers Tony a handshake. What Tony doesn’t know is that the Joker has a lethal version of one of those “joybuzzers” in his palm and the underling is electrocuted relatively slowly, essentially cooked from the inside out. Having made his point, his muscle rushes in with machine guns drawn and drives the bosses out. Joker then has a “conversation” with Tony’s charred corpse where it seems as if he plans to execute the rest of ’em anyway. “You are a vicious bastard, Rotelli,” he says to the corpse. “I’m glad you’re dead!” He then bursts into an otherworldly cacophony of deranged laughter, one of the creepiest bits of Joker’s disregard for life throughout the movie.

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Perturbed by Bruce’s behavior on the morning after, Vicki starts gathering information. She follows him, first to a rundown area in Gotham where Bruce leaves 2 roses on the sidewalk. She would go on to ask Knox to find out what happened at or near that intersection. Then he ends up on the steps of Town Hall (I think) where one of Grissom’s men has transferred Grissom’s business holdings to himself. During the flurry of press, 2 inconspicuous street mimes have been making their way towards the man. One of them reveals himself as the Joker and throws his quill pen into the man’s neck. His crew pops off a few rounds to scare the crowd and allow him to escape. Despite the danger, Bruce attempts to get closer to the Joker, not missing a single step even as a bullet penetrates the arm of his coat.

Bruce seems to be in a daze, even as Vicki breaks cover and confronts him, he’s unable to speak and wanders off. As he returns home he confides in Alfred what got him so spooked – he was sure he saw Jack Napier. Alfred reminds him that Vicki is quite concerned about him and that he seems to be in better spirits when she is around. Bruce laments that everything is just a little crazy right now but does admit that he’s fond of her.

The Joker watches a newscast based on his earlier spectacle, yet the reporters only seem interested in whether Batman will step in to end this sort of gang violence in time for the anniversary festival. Joker sifts through photos that Bob has been taking and Vale catches his eye. Bob mentions that she’s dating “a guy named Wayne” though neither Joker nor Bob seem to know just who “Wayne” is. Smitten, the Joker decides to claim Vicki for himself.

But first, the Joker must set in motion his diabolical plan to bring Gotham to its knees.

A news segment reports that two young women have died due to some sort of allergic reaction. Soon the female anchor starts laughing uncontrollably despite the bleak subject. Joker then hijacks the airwaves bragging about his own malicious creation and its deadly effects, giving everyone the “hint” that these chemicals are already in various food, beauty, and hygiene products. As the bodies continue to pile up, Gothamites struggle to find some sort of pattern to the lethality of these products…if in fact there is a pattern at all.

Alfred receives a phone call and passes the message on to Bruce – Vicki will be a little late for their meeting at the museum this afternoon. The problem? There is no meeting! I guess no one told Vicki. She arrives and is seated, and after a few moments receives a package – with a gas mask inside – and a message telling her to wear it now. A deadly gas seeps in through the ventilation, presumably killing all of the patrons and I guess diners? I guess there’s a restaurant in the museum. Once everyone is dispatched, Joker enters with his entourage and proceeds to deface most of the art in the building, all to the tune of Prince’s “Partyman.” It’s kind of a funny scene and one of the more Joker-ish things this Joker actually does.

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Deciding to take a break from Murder and Mayhem at the Museum, Joker sits down with Vicki, explaining that he “makes art until someone dies” and that he is “the world’s first fully functional homicidal artist.” He wants Vale to photograph his work and presents Alicia – who is now wearing a mask – as a sort of “sketch.” She removes the mask to reveal a nasty, textured scar around her eye and right side of her face, likely the result of some kind of chemical burn. Vicki is visibly shaken but tries to remain calm. Eventually she snaps and calls him “insane” just before dodging a shot from Joker’s iconic acid squirting boutonniere. She throws a pitcher of water in his face and he immediately mimes the act of “melting,” only to abruptly surprise her with his now mostly white face (he had been wearing his skin-colored makeup to that point).

Just when it looks like Vale’s goose is cooked, Batman makes one of the best entrances of all-time, crashing through the museum’s skylight with an awesome sound effect to boot. He uses his zip-line contraption to get them out the front door pronto, followed by another unforgettable moment: get in the car. Which one? Um, duh, the Batmobile! And so we get our very first glimpse of this timeless machine. A bit of a chase ensues – nothing too fancy but 100% done with practical effects. When faced with a roadblock they exit the car and Batman turns on “shields” for another memorable moment.

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They continue running on foot, and Batman grapples Vicki to safety on a rooftop just as the thugs catch up with them. Batman takes a bullet and is seemingly rendered unconscious, giving Bob and another thug enough time to deduce that Batman is not supernatural, and is just a guy with some body armor. Just as they’re about to go for the mask, they catch Vicki snapping photos from the rooftop and begin shooting at her. Batman rebounds and we get a nice combat scene, especially when he front kicks the guy with the swords. Batman then encourages Bob to take his shot; Bob glances at his Bowie-ish knife, then back at Batman, then tosses the knife and flees. The Bat reunites with Vicki, remotely brings the Batmobile to them, and they’re off.

Eventually they make it to the Batcave, with Batman struggling with whether or not to reveal himself to Vicki. Ultimately he remains silent, but based on research done by Alfred and himself, provides Vale with a list of all the deadly combinations of “Joker cosmetics,” having come to the conclusion that specific combinations of products are what cause the deaths, not any individual products themselves. He somehow whisks her back to her place, surreptitiously lifting the film off her from the earlier photographs. Although still somewhat skeptical, Vale hands the list over to the news, keeping the citizens safe while untainted products are shipped in.

Vicki continues to try and contact Bruce, though he remains silent. At Alfred’s insistence, he finally decides to confess everything to her. He goes to her place, she vents, and he tries desperately to ease into the revelation that “I’m Batman” but can’t seem to get it out. He is interrupted by a persistent doorbell at Vale’s door – it’s Joker and friends. Wayne attempts to remain hidden while Joker expresses his frustration over their previous “date” being interrupted by Batman. He then informs her of Alicia’s death, seemingly amused that she “threw herself out of a window.” Bruce makes himself known and attempts to avert the Joker’s attention by acting like a totally unhinged weirdo. The Joker quips, “have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?” Wayne is caught off guard by the question; the Joker admits that it’s just something he likes to say to all of his “prey” because he likes the sound of it. He fires a single shot at Bruce who slumps to the floor.

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Joker exits after professing some sort of affection for Vale. She goes to check on Bruce, only to find him missing and in his place a silver tray with a bullet lodged in it. She decides to inspect the large gift box left behind by the Joker, only to faint when a mannequin’s hand full of dead roses pops out.

Over the next few short scenes, Joker declares Batman as his enemy number 1. Knox finds out the relevance behind the intersection where Bruce left the roses, revealing to Vicki that Bruce’s parents were gunned down at that very spot when he was just a boy. Coincidentally, Alfred provides Bruce with information he had requested about his parents.

The mayor appears on TV to announce the cancellation of the festival, though Joker hijacks the broadcast, apologizing for Grissom’s old ways, and declaring his intentions to set things right by dumping 20 million dollars in cash on the crowd at midnight. He also openly challenges Batman, painting him as Gotham’s true villain.

Bruce’s mind wanders back to the night of his parents’ murder. He hears the gunman utter, “tell me kid, you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?” as he aims the gun at him. “Jack, let’s go!” calls his accomplice. And for whatever reason, the killer lowers his weapon. “See ya around, kid.” Suddenly it begins to click with Bruce that a young Jack Napier was the one who gunned down his parents in cold blood.

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Just then, Alfred walks in with none other than Vicki Vale to his left. Bruce is visibly taken aback by the gesture, but his demeanor softens as Vicki pours her heart out about their special night together and how she’s loved him since they met but she is obviously more than a little confused about his role as Batman. Bruce expresses his desire to be with her, but also says that as long as the Joker is out there, he has to be out there to stop him.

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Using the Batmobile’s remote control capabilities, he drops off a bomb over at Axis Chemicals, obliterating the plant. However, Joker escapes via helicopter. We then see giant, cartoonish balloons float between Gotham’s skyscrapers, and Prince’s “Trust” indicates the beginning of the festival and the film’s final act.

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The Joker rides a float down the street, tossing out the promised cash, but when the song finishes, things take a sinister turn. He prattles on about relieving the “little people” of their “useless lives” and activates the release of the Smylex gas from the balloons. Vicki and Knox are some distance away getting photographs when she happens to notice what’s happening. She seals herself in the car but Knox fishes around in his trunk for a surgical mask and stays outside for some reason.

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Batman takes to the skies in what is still the coolest version of the Batwing (or Batplane or whatever you want to call it) and gathers up the tethers to all the balloons so that he can snip the cables and release them at a safe altitude. Then he flies way up, right in front of the full moon, for that perfect shot of the Bat-signal. Infuriated, Joker murders Bob without warning, a move I still haven’t figured out after all these years. The festival has turned to complete chaos, with gunfire on every corner and bodies piling up in the streets.

The Joker squares off against Batman – who is still piloting the Batwing mind you – and I guess reality really checked out for this one. Batman unloads all types of firepower, not a bit of which even scratches Joker. On the other hand, Joker procures this uncommonly long handgun, with which he manages to incapacitate the Batwing with via a single shot. The wreckage comes to rest on the stairs of Gotham Cathedral. Vicki approaches but Batman is nowhere to be found. Joker then forces Vicki up the long staircase to the roof while Batman frees himself from the rubble, having protected himself during the crash by being somewhere other than the cockpit.

Once the Joker reaches the roof with Vicki, he sends one the bells down the stairwell, smashing the old wood severely enough that no one will be coming or going from this point. This proves to be only a small inconvenience for Batman who has to contend with one last crony before confronting the Joker.

Vicki briefly feigns attraction to the Joker once she notices Batman, giving Batman the perfect window to say, “you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?” just before delivering one hell of a punch. Batman even tells the Joker that he’s going to kill him during the beating and reminds him that it was him who killed his parents. Joker then points out the cyclical nature of their connection to each other – you made me I made you – though this would somehow imply that Batman meant to douse Jack in those crazy chemicals.

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Bats tosses the clown around for a bit, completely unchallenged, until it appears as if the Joker has fallen over the edge of the roof. As Batman and Vicki move closer for a peek, Joker breaks at least a couple of laws of physics and manages to pull the pair over the edge, grabbing each by one ankle. As they dangle helplessly, Joker’s helicopter arrives to pick him up via rope ladder. However, Batman uses one of his grapples to tether Joker to one of the gargoyles. Eventually the gargoyle breaks due to the helicopter trying to pull Joker up. The weight of the statue is too much though, and the Joker plummets several dozen stories to his demise.

Batman can now focus on moving Vicki and himself to safety, but they slip anyway. Not to worry, Batman has yet another grapple up his sleeve to save the day.

As for the epilogue, the mayor and Dent address the city and inform them that the remaining members of Joker’s gang have been rounded up and jailed. Batman himself has also left behind a gift, a signal to be shown in the night sky should he be needed. Knowing what she knows, Vale abandons her quest to photograph Batman but encourages Knox to continue. She begins to walk when Alfred shows up to give her a ride. “Master Bruce may be a few minutes late,” he tells her. “Why am I not surprised?” she answers.

There we go, Batman in a nutshell. A big ass nutshell. Before I really get into the fabric of the film there is something I’d like to go ahead and address. This facet of the film elicits all sorts of reactions and it is a bit of an elephant in the room. What am I going on about? One word: Prince.

One of the most distinguishable aspects of Batman is the fact that the entire soundtrack doubles as a Prince album. This is not just a soundtrack full of previously released Prince songs, it also stands as Prince’s 11th studio album. Apparently this approach was modeled after the success of Purple Rain. Prince has also mentioned that the original concept was a collaboration between him and Michael Jackson. Jackson would act as Batman and would’ve sung ballads representative of the heroes, while Prince would’ve been more like the Joker and his funk songs would showcase the villains. I dunno…it sounds sorta cool reading through it once or twice but then again there are so many moving parts to manage…

Was it a good idea to conflate the Batman OST and Prince’s 11th album? If you’re primarily a fan of Prince it probably doesn’t matter. But if you’re someone who only ever hears this stuff when you pop in the movie, well, I think we can agree that this was a pretty severe misstep. For one thing, the 80’s funk revival of Prince is almost the antithesis of Gotham City. Gotham is dirty and crowded, with a bit an industrial slant to it. The hazy skies fed by steam jets and smoke stacks mingle with shadows to create virtual voids. Any time we see something bright or cheerful or childlike it is always tainted and twisted into something alien and grotesque. Overproduced, synth-reliant 80’s music in general makes me think of shiny, clean exteriors – sun reflecting off of seas of steel and glass, cool clean neon signs overtaking and illuminating all the dark corners of the world.

That’s not to say there isn’t a level of artifice to Gotham as well – there most certainly is – but it’s been worn down by time. Pieces have been lost, replaced, broken, lost again. It is not a singular, cohesive vision with a singular purpose or goal in mind.

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The result is that once the soundtrack kicks in, the listener is taken back to 1989 in the real world, not necessarily the world in which Gotham exists in in this condition. Not only does it seriously date the film, it makes it appear as if making Batman feel dated is a necessary, desirable outcome. This works great for movies that rely on pop culture references like The Breakfast Club or Clueless, but Batman is certainly something that should endure outside the bounds of pop culture as much as it is able.

Another issue is that we usually hear Prince being played in conjunction with the Joker. At at least 2 points in the film the music is diegetic, meaning that the music is actually being heard in the context of the movie. This would be during the museum scene (Partyman) and during the cash giveaway (Trust). Is this really something someone that’s the Joker’s age would be rockin’ out to…? Nicholson was 52 in ’89, and Keaton was 38. If we fudge the numbers a little in service of the story, we’ll say that based on the murder of his parents, Jack had to have at least 15 years on Bruce, if not closer to 20. I don’t think Keaton is meant to be an “older” Batman, but I also think he’s well into his career as a nocturnal vigilante. There’s a bit of discrepancy here with the film; based on the sightings and the fact that he isn’t yet pals with Gordon, “the bat Man” seems to be a relative newcomer, yet I don’t think this is a fresh-out-the-Batcave, 24-year-old version of Bruce Wayne either. I’d say he’s at least 30, no older than 35. That puts Napier at anywhere from 45 to 55 – there’s no way he’s any younger than that. The upper end of that isn’t too far from Nicholson’s actual age and I can tell your right now you could probably count the number of 50 year olds listening to Prince back in ’89 on one hand. If you actually watch Nicholson during these scenes, it’s absolutely ridiculous. And not in a “yeah of course, Joker is ridiculous” kind of way.

My reasoning on this point is starting to become loose and overly verbose but my point is that the music Prince was making in 1989 had no business being anywhere near this film. It clashes with the tone, the setting, and the characters themselves. It’s like Prince was blindly slated to do an all-in-one album/OST for whatever film popped out of said studio next…and that film happened to be Batman. In fact, I almost wish this were the explanation rather than it all being planned out to a degree. It stands as an unnecessary stain on the film, and unlike most stains that fade with time, this one only seems to become more obvious. It’s a real shame too because it has such a strong score from Elfman that it doesn’t really need a soundtrack

Ok let’s talk about something else: was it a good movie? Was it a good Batman movie? I tend to think it has more going for it than it does going against it. I think perhaps it was marketed a bit bizarrely – “Bat-mania” was largely a phenomenon with children but this is by no stretch a kid-friendly film. But to be fair that’s not really the fault of the filmmakers. The set pieces are dull, dreary, grimy even, with discreet touches of opulence and style. It’s perfect for the version of Gotham that we find ourselves in, rundown, crime infested, corrupt, yet also home to people who possess hope and resilience as well as a legacy worth preserving.

The acting is better than what anyone probably expected at the time, and I think a lot of it still holds up today which is something I would not say about the slightly unnatural acting from earlier Superman films. Keaton is arguably a little too relaxed as Batman, though for many fans he is the definitive live-action iteration of the character. If anything, I wish his personality would have come off a bit stronger, both as Batman and Bruce. He tends to take a backseat when other big players are on the screen and he only shows any real emotion for a few seconds as Batman (particularly when he threatens to kill the Joker) and the oddball scene in Vale’s apartment. (“You wanna get nuts!? Let’s get nuts!!”)

You can’t talk about Batman without mentioning the Joker…after all, one of Nicholson’s conditions of participating in the film was to have top billing (along with a bunch of other assholish requests that I’m gonna try to set aside for the time being). Some would certainly count him as the best Joker, though I think most would put him in the “good for what he’s going for” category. Of course at this point the Joker didn’t occupy the same place in the popular psyche that he has since 2008. There was no “Joaquin Phoenix’s version” or Cameron Monaghan or even Jared Leto. Hell, Mark Hamill hadn’t even begun his vaunted role as voice actor for the Joker yet. You had Cesar Romero and Jack Nicholson. Romero wouldn’t even shave off his moustache for the role, so picking a winner between the two isn’t difficult.

Nicholson really embodied the “gangster” side of the Joker, which I think was a smart play for a film that wanted to cater to the most general audiences possible. We can all sort of follow the trail of dangerous gangster turns into even more dangerous super villain. I think the film kind of ran into some problems with the whole “homicidal artist” thread…the Joker is an agent of chaos, pure and simple, and to burden him with these sort of “creative” goals and aspirations feels like a misunderstanding of what makes him tick. Not to mention Nicholson is much better at pulling of “utter psycho” than “schizo artist.” I do like the jangly movements that Nicholson imparts from time to time; they make him feel a bit like a marionette. There’s a whole slew of mannerisms that solidify this character as wholly unique and I think Nicholson did an above average job of bringing this very odd villain to life on the big screen.

That said, I feel like the role was ultimately mis-directed. Jack Nicholson plays an excellent bad guy. He’s got those “crazy eyes” and a vocal inflection that can make any remark sound menacing. And Burton played to his actor’s strengths, I get it, but the end result is that the Joker just comes across as a really mean dude – an unabashed sadist. He doesn’t do much “joking” at all, he just laughs like hell at crazy shit. Perhaps the biggest oversight of all is that not once does he ever come across as a clown.

I guess we can talk about Kim Basinger as Vicki Vale for a minute. She does have a bit more personality than a lot of the Bat-babes we run across, and although she ends up being little more than the damsel in distress at the end, she does spend most of the film feeling like a mostly-formed supporting character. Her interest in and concern for Bruce feels real and never in conflict with whatever opinion she may have about Batman.

Michael Gough plays Alfred and has the distinction of being the only actor to appear in all 4 Burton/Schumacher films. He may not be quite the badass that he is in other media but he is the beating heart of “Batman,” often grounding Bruce with simple reminders of what it means to be human and what it is he’s actually fighting for. He remains Bruce’s unconditional friend, mentor, father figure, and at times crime-fighting partner.

Pat Hingle plays an almost irrelevant Commissioner Gordon. I wouldn’t even bring him up except for the fact that Gordon is such a big part of what Batman does in most other media, yet in this universe he is little more than a well-intentioned idiot.

Robert Wurley plays Alex Knox in a very Jimmy Olsen-meets-Peter Parker type of role. He’s mainly there to act as a face for the press but he does bring some needed levity to the film, even if it’s a big corny. It’s worth noting that Wurley will pop up waaay on down the line in the CW’s The Flash TV series during the “Crisis” event, officially connecting this Burton/Schumacher universe to the same multiverse as the CW’s Arrowverse.

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Lando Calriss– uh, I mean, Billy Dee Williams appears as Harvey Dent. Like Gordon the role is almost negligible, but at the time Williams had signed on to a 3-movie deal where the idea was to introduce him in his first outing, give him some secondary importance in the sequel, and follow his transformation into Two-Face during the third installment. Obviously this never happened but we’ll talk about that more when we get there.

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Let’s at least begin to wrap this up by talking about the screenplay and some of the characterizations beyond what I’ve already covered regarding the Joker. When discussing how true something is to the source material, it’s impossible to compare points 1 to 1, because we need to take the target audience into account – an audience that probably won’t be reading convoluted comic book arcs spanning multiple volumes over several months. To be one of the first of its kind, I think Batman does a pretty good job of balancing comic book events with more palpable storylines.

We’ve gotten very used to and probably reliant on origin films in the superhero genre, but I can appreciate that Batman was not an origin story. We get just enough to know where Batman is coming from (though perhaps it could’ve come a little earlier in the film) but the narrative never dwells on it. The story gives a beat to Bruce’s / Batman’s most defining traits including his use of fear as a weapon, his hand to hand combat skills, his use of cutting-edge tech, his intellect as a detective (figuring out the whole Smylex puzzle), his ability to blend in as Bruce Wayne, and the inner conflict that results from his dualism (his issues opening up to Vicki). Oddly enough, Batman’s “no kill” rule is never mentioned. In fact he very much kills a few people quite deliberately (I guess you could argue self-defense) and straight up tells the Joker that he’s going to kill him. (And he does, albeit indirectly.)

I think it’s more than a little plausible that the filmmakers thought that giving Batman an overt “no kill” rule might come off as a bit soft. And the point is not without merit. Batman is supposed to embody fear, but how scary can he be when word gets around that he’s not gonna kill anyone? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see the “no kill” rule as integral to Batman’s essence as some fans do. I kinda like where he’s at in this movie – he’s obviously not going out of his way to murder people, but at the same time, if you’re in a fight for your life and the other guy dies, well, I mean, you play with fire you’re bound to get burned, right? I also think this is a far more realistic approach. Just how out of his way is Batman supposed to go to ensure that no life is lost? It’s just one of those things that’s going to happen when you’re in this line of work long enough.

I do think that the Joker’s plans of death and destruction were very much on point and “Joker-y,” and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d been lifted almost verbatim from a comic. His plan to kill with not a single cosmetic but with certain combinations is just morbidly brilliant, and his plan to lure the citizens of Gotham out with a 20 million dollar cash giveaway just so that he can gas them all is a solid example of the Joker understanding what makes “the little people” tick and how to turn their weaknesses against them.

There are a few smaller things I take issue with, but nothing I can’t forgive being that this is a self-contained movie. For instance I don’t think Alfred would’ve ever just waltz anyone down into the Batcave without Bruce’s prior permission or knowledge. In any other universe this would’ve been not only a massive violation of trust, but an insanely out of character move for Alfred; so out of character that Bats would probably have him tested for mind control, or being some kind of clone, maybe an android…the Alfred Bruce knows would never do such a thing. But I get it. They wanted to move the love story along and they wanted to give Alfred some real narrative weight.

I touched on this earlier, but I sort of hate how Gordon acts more like Moe or Curly than the hardass police commissioner most of us have come to know. He might be incorruptible, but it doesn’t really matter because he’s a total simpleton. Gordon has always been Batman’s link to some form of legal legitimacy, and I think that’s a relationship that should’ve at least been started by the end of the first movie (and I guess it kinda was with the Bat Signal).

All in all, Batman is a super-solid flick. I do wish it had delved more into Bruce’s own demons and his struggle with his duality, though I also wonder if this might’ve made the movie feel overstuffed. It’s already a big lengthy at 2 hours and 7 minutes. It may not be a 100% true to comic adaptation, but I think it strikes an agreeable balance between what makes the character enthralling and what audiences at the time were able to digest.

It’s also amazing to think of all that this film spawned. Batman: The Animated Series was a direct result of the film’s success (as well as its sequel to an extent), which in turn gave us Mark Hamill as the Joker, a role he may be known just as well for as Luke Skywalker himself. Also, without The Animated Series we wouldn’t have Harley Quinn who has become a massive breakout character over the last few years; a real fan favorite as well as cultural phenomenon. The production team gave us versions of the Batmobile and Batwing that are still held near and dear to this day. For many people, Keaton is the Batman or at the very least one of the best.

I would recommend this film to virtually anyone, regardless if you’re a Batman fan or not, or even a fan of superhero movies or not. It is a monumental feat in the genre it helped to create and stands as a solid example of how fanciful concepts can be taken seriously and tweaked a bit to fit the real world and thereby turned into compelling dramas with strong characters and entertaining action. It won’t open your third eye or anything, but it is a compelling piece of media 35 years after its inception and that alone is an admirable feat in and of itself.

Go check it out…and then come back to see what happens when they take everything that made Batman a standout and turned it up to 11…for better or for worse…

Superman Returns (2006) (Reviewing DC Comics in Film #9)

We last left Superman on rather rocky shores back in ’87. Ideas for a fifth film were routinely abandoned in development hell and there were even a few false starts over those 19 long years. Superman Returns comes to us near the tail end of what I call the “Silver Age” of comic book-based films. You know the type, bland, uninspired action flicks with a pre-determined dose of quirkiness. I do think Superman Returns elevated itself above most of the dreck from the time period, though it just never connected with audiences for reasons we’ll explore later.

Superman Returns

Before getting into it, I think it pertinent to mention that this film takes place after the events of Superman II and disregards the events of III and IV (as well as Supergirl). I don’t really think it matters all that much as these movies are all just barely connected, but obviously the producers wanted to push this new installment as part of the “good” lineage established by the first 2 films. Be that as it may, we get an entirely new cast, with Routh as Superman and Spacey as Luthor being the standouts.

And the next question will go something like, “Returns??!! I didn’t know he left!” Just before the opening credits, a couple of sentences are shown onscreen saying something to the effect of scientists discovering the remains of Krypton off in space and shortly thereafter Supes disappeared. Personally I don’t get it. Why even bring his up at all? What good did it to visit the asteroid field that used to be Krypton? My best guess is that it’s yet another way to separate it from the third and fourth films, yet in my mind it also further alienates it from films 1 and 2.

The film finally starts with an old woman on her deathbed while someone pressures her into signing an important document. We hear her barely whisper “Lex…Luthor” as he assists her with her signature. The formerly calm and patient Luthor quickly hops up as she takes her last breath and flings open the bedroom door to waiting friends and family. Receiving rather dirty looks from all of them – especially a young girl – he presently removes his toupe, tosses it to the child, and proudly announces, “you can keep that; the rest is mine.”

Of course the child shrieks at the wad of hair, and Lex, along with at least one associate disguised as a maid, promptly exit the mansion into the rainy night.

A truck pulls away from a humble farm house, the driver offering up a faint, “bye Martha!” We see Martha, quietly tending to chores, all alone except for her dog, when the ground begins to shake. She seems to have some inkling as to what is happening and in a few more seconds she witnesses a giant fireball land several hundred feet away from the house.

Martha follows the fiery trail and finds a jagged crystalline thing just before Clark greets her from behind. He seems weak and exhausted, yet relieved to reunite with his foster mother.

Lex and his crew make their way to the now-abandoned Fortress of Solitude, accessing some of Jor-El’s memory-record crystal things. We don’t really know why he has returned to Superman’s lair; our only hint is that he wishes to be like Prometheus, the god who brought fire (and by extension technology) to humans.

Back on the farm, we learn that Clark has been absent for 5 long years. He admits that he had to go in case there was something left, but the remnants of Krypton were just that – “a graveyard.” His mother attempts to comfort him by reminding him that the universe is a big place and anything could be out there.

Shortly thereafter Clark departs for Metropolis, falling back into his bumbly-stumbly disguise. He runs into Jimmy Olsen who is eager to reconnect but also seems to be stretched thin due to demands of the paper. Clark seems a bit distracted as he tries to find Lois, eventually spotting her on one of the office TVs doing a live interview. He pokes around her desk a little, excited at first to see she’d won a Pulitzer Price, but just as quickly crushed as he sees the award was due to a piece of hers called, “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman.” As if to add insult to injury, he finds a picture of a young boy just in time for Jimmy to pop back up and make a remark about him “looking like his mom.” Yes, Lois is a mommy and although unmarried, she is in what Jimmy deems “a prolonged engagement.” Sensing his friend’s shock and malaise, Jimmy treats Clark to a drink, musing that the real reason Lois hasn’t yet gotten married is because she is still in love with “you-know-who.”

Lex and his goons return to the mansion from the beginning. He explains to Kitty, his main squeeze, that advanced Kryptoninan tech is all based off of crystals. They end up in front of some mechanical model of what I’m assuming to be Metropolis as Lex’s main scientist dude puts the finishing touches on a crystal. Without any real explanation as to what’s happening the crystal is dropped into the water within the city. After a brief delay, this triggers a massive widespread power outage, though it seems to function more as an EMP.

Lois has been conducting her live interview on a jet that’s flying super-high in the air in an attempt to assist the launch of a Space Shuttle. The “power outage” hits the plane just as the shuttle readies for detachment and departure, and although power is quickly restored, everything goes wrong. The shuttle ignites despite its cancelation, and the jetliner itself is sent into freefall. However, Superman shows up in a nick of time, stopping the aircraft and bringing it to a relatively safe landing right in the middle of a baseball field midgame.

Superman Returns

As Superman opens the hatch to free the passengers, Lois is immediately dumbstruck, but Supes plays it totally cool, takes a moment to soak in the adoration of the crowd within the stadium, and flies off before Lois can confront him. In complete shock, Lois faints.

Some time later Clark and Lois are officially reunited where Clark meets her son and Richard, her fiance. Introductions are awkward for various reasons and we cut to the end of the workday where Clark attempts to ask Lois to hang out so they can catch up. However, Lois is preoccupied with the reappearance of Superman, venting to Clark about how he just up and left without saying goodbye. Clark timidly defends his alter-ego, admitting that perhaps it was too difficult for him to say goodbye.

Later that evening Superman peeps in on Lois and Richard’s homelife. Their son is very fragile and afflicted with a ton of allergies, standing in stark contrast to Superman’s blatant strength and resilience. Richard detects Lois’ distraction on account of Superman’s return and brings up an article she wrote years ago – not “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman,” but an earlier piece, “I Spent the Night with Superman.” He sincerely asks Lois if he loved him and after a moderate pause, Lois answers in the negative. Superman, eavesdropping from outside, is devastated and hurriedly flies away, remember the words of his father, “you are like them, but you are not one of them.”

He hovers for a bit in low-Earth orbit, taking in all the thousands of millions of sounds, and then hones in a robbery by some men with a very large gun. Of course he cleans up with ease and we get a neat shot of one of the bullets crumpling as it makes contact with his cornea. Immediately thereafter a car is careening out of control, threatening the lives of the driver and several pedestrians. Supes stops the car and rescues the woman, who pleads to be taken to the nearest hospital. Superman reluctantly agrees, taking note of the large crowd filling in around him.

By the time the arrive her heart condition is magically a non-issue. We later find out (or you may have recognized her) that the girl was Kitty (she introduces herself to Superman as “Katherine”) and it was all a ruse to distract Superman from Lex’s nearby robbery of a museum. Lex manages to score himself a big ol’ chunk of Kryptonite without difficulty.

All the while Superman has been busy recapturing the interest of the world by being of service wherever possible, including France, Ireland, Houston, and yes, even Gotham. Perry White is eager to put Lois on Superman’s return despite her reservations. She has actually correctly identified the “power outage” as more than just a simple outage but White is unconvinced of the story next to their lack of Superman coverage. Lois protests to no avail – she’s put on Super-duty, Clark is given the power outage story, and in a weird twist, Lois’ fiance suggests they all grab dinner and work late so that he can assist Lois with getting started on Superman and Lois can pass on her findings regarding the outage.

Later on Lois sneaks off to the roof for a smoke; Clark takes note and runs off to meet her as Superman. Despite her tough exterior, Lois’ soft spot for Superman quickly reemerges, though she intends to stay faithful to Richard even after a brief kiss with Supes.

Superman Returns

The next day Superman flies to his Fortress of Solitude only to find it desecrated and all of its crystals missing.

Around the same time Lois keeps following up on the blackout, eventually tracing it to an address. Short on time, she picks up Jason from school on her way, and finds herself at the old woman’s house from the beginning with the giant yacht anchored behind it. Lois and her son begin to poke around until bumping into Lex Luthor. Essentially holding them captive, Lex starts going on about his crystals and how he will use them to “create” a new continent, thereby flooding a large portion of the US and providing lots of lucrative coastal real estate. Lois attempts to tell Lex that Superman will surely intervene but she is rudely and angrily interrupted by Lex, who reveals his big ol’ piece of kryptonite.

All the while the yacht has been on its way to some special location. Reaching their destination, Lex and company retreat to the deck, leaving Lois and Jason under the supervision of a random goon (turns out his name is Bruce). Lois suggest that Jason play the nearby piano. He starts playing “Heart & Soul,” to which Bruce joins in. Lois uses the distraction to try and send a fax to the Daily Planet with the coordinates. Right in the middle of this, Lex’s scientist guy fires off a missile into the distant ocean. Just below the surface crystals begin to grow and multiply in every direction, delivering a massive shockwave that causes a momentary blackout on the yacht and going all the way to Metropolis.

Lois tries desperately to re-initiate the fax as the power returns, but she is caught by the henchman who proceeds to brutally manhandle her. Just as he moves in for the kill, the piano flies several feet, right into Bruce and then crashing against the wall. We then see Jason in the midst of an asthma attack, arms outstretched. As he’s about to use his inhaler, his breathing seems to normalize, all at once confirming that Jason is in fact Superman’s son, a realization that also hits Lois. Some other goons appear below decks just in time to witness the aftermath, reporting to Lex that Bruce is actually DEAD. Lois and Jason are locked in a smaller room, and Lex seems to have put the pieces together as well.

Superman Returns

Back at the Daily Planet, the staff recovers from the outage and Clark and Richard are still trying to locate Lois, who is officially missing at this point. Jimmy notices a piece of paper with Lois’ handwriting; her fax did go through after all. Richard makes a bee-line for the Planet’s seaplane while Clark dashes off to change into his favorite pair of tights.

On his way to the coordinates, Superman notices a large fissure forming below the water’s surface, going straight towards Metropolis. He takes a few moments to bounce around the city, rescuing its inhabitants from the effects of the shockwave. Meanwhile, Lois and Jason are left alone while Lex and his crew board a helicopter. Stuck inside the small pantry, it appears as though Jason is about to exert his super-strength once again when Richard shows up and frees them. The victory is short-lived; the growing crystal impales the yacht, filling it with water and then lifting it several feet into the air just before the craft splits in two.

As the young family tries to scramble their way up the now vertical boat, it quickly fills with water and sinks. Suddenly the outer door slams shut, rendering Lois unconscious and trapping them and a small bubble of air as the remnant sinks beneath the waves. Just as all hope would seem lost, Superman arrives and lifts the boat out of the water, freeing the trio. He puts them on the seaplane and sends it on its way while he follows the trail of spiky new rocks to Lex’s new “continent.”

Superman immediately confronts Lex, but Lex whips out his kryptonite and brings Superman to his knees. Lex and this thugs mercilessly beat the weakened hero while Kitty looks on with horror and pity. Attempting to deliver the coupe de grace, Lex stabs him with a jagged kryptonite shard and tosses him into the ocean below.

Superman Returns

Still aboard the seaplane, Lois regains consciousness and urges Richard to turn back and look for Superman. They lift him out of the water and patch him up as much as possible. Supes insists on returning, but this time he dives down into the ocean, into the earth. Lex’s island then starts crumbling, and eventually we see Superman lifting the entire mass into the air. Lex and Kitty narrowly escape by helicopter, but Kitty, disgusted with Lex, dumps Lex’s remaining crystals into the ocean. Supes releases the island into space where it slowly floats away, before himself collapsing and crashing back down into the ground.

Superman Returns

The doctors gather him and up and stabilize him although he remains unconscious for the time being. Lois pays him a tearful visit and plants one small kiss on his lips, after which his condition slowly begins to improve. He visits Lois sometime later, promising that he’ll always “be around,” thought it looks as it if any romance between the 2 has been squelched. He also takes a moment to talk to a sleeping Jason, echoing some of his own father’s thoughts.

Having regained his reputation among the people of Metropolis, Superman flies up above the earth and happily surveys his home.

Oh, and Lex and Kitty run out of gasoline for their helicopter and end up on this tiny sandbar of an island.

Superman Returns came out in an era of mostly awful superhero films, and while I think it’s better than a lot of its counterparts, it is still a very middling film. As a sort of re-introduction to Superman, it fails miserably. From the beginning Superman is portrayed as something of a “has been,” like a trend or fad that had run its course. Some positive hype manages to form around him after the averted plane crash, but he’s never presented as the sort of icon that we sort of expect Superman to be.

I also wish the movie had a little more fun with itself. I’m glad the subject matter is taken seriously, but that doesn’t mean it has to be devoid of any fun. Routh himself is part of the problem – he does fine when playing the meek and innocuous Clark Kent, but he doesn’t really have enough charisma and/or machismo to make for an impressive Superman. In most movies we can count of having some fun when our hero dons his costume, but that just isn’t so here.

It doesn’t help that we have this whole sad-puppy-rainy-day love “triangle” hanging over us for most of the movie. I’m sure they just wanted a quick way to put “Jason” out there as half-Kryptonian, but the writers really dug themselves in a hole with Lois and her fiance. If she doesn’t get with Superman, we’re disappointed that the hero didn’t end up with the girl. If she does get with Superman, everyone will think less of her for ditching her fiance out of the clear blue. Either way there’s no real satisfying resolution to this rather bleak plot point.

More than anything it’s the screenplay that holds Superman Returns back. In addition to the only partially-formed love triangle, the whole good-versus-evil aspect is watered down and underdeveloped. Lex Luthor creates a big ol’ landmass out in the ocean…and then what? He stabs Superman with some kryptonite, Supes recovers, and then throws the damn thing into space. There just isn’t that much conflict to get vested in, and you’d think that with their history, things would get a little more personal between Lex and Superman, but the escalation factor is absent.

Most of the acting is lifeless, perhaps melancholic at best. I can tolerate Clark Kent being a bit of a dweeb, but Routh’s Superman is just a blank slate. This might have more to do with the story and direction rather than Routh’s acting chops; unfortunately we’ll never know. Kate Bosworth does her best to channel Margot Kidder’s no-nonsense attitude, but she comes off as nervous and quick-tempered rather than decisive and self-assured. And again, I get it, she has to wrestle with Richard vs. Superman for pretty much the entire film, but she’s turned into a marginally unlikable character with too much screen time.

Kevin Spacey is pretty damn good as always. Much like Gene Hackman before him – perhaps even more so – he really embodies that megalomaniac side of Lex Luthor. Sadly we never really get to see him shine. We are instead treated to brief moments of what Spacey could’ve brought to the character had he been in a better story. Then there’s poor James Marsden as Richard…I think Marsden is a decent actor but he sure does seem to get stuck with roles that are supposed to be unlikable. However, it’s difficult to hate on Richard as the film wears on. Despite him being well aware of the attraction between Lois and Superman he never loses his cool, he remains nothing but patient and understanding towards Lois, and he always does his best to be a stand-up dude regardless of how uncomfortable he must be.

One area of Superman Returns that absolutely excels is the special effects. It was a great idea to use scale to convey just how powerful Superman really is, such as when he stops the jet, lifts the broken yacht, and carries the landmass into space. The use of his other powers is minimal – another drawback of this flick being light on action. We aren’t bein inundated with fantastic effects at every turn, but saving these moments of spectacle does make them more memorable and impressive.

I do wish they’d done something a little more out of the box with Superman’s outfit. The skin-tight Lycra comes off as cheap and cartoony. I’m not saying Supes needs to be walking around in a bulky, armored exoskeleton suit, but it would help the immersion if his outfit didn’t look so much like pajamas.

At the end of the day, I feel like Superman Returns was a competently made and valid take on the Man of the Steel; it just didn’t quite scratch the audience’s itch. This morose and restrained version of Superman wasn’t very conducive to his “return.” A 2009 sequel was canceled despite decent box office performance and the franchise would ultimately be rebooted in 2013 with Man of Steel and the birth of the DCEU. When speaking of the canceled 2009 film, Warner Bros. has mentioned that Superman just wasn’t “positioned correctly” by the end of Superman Returns and this justification makes a lot of sense. Superman wasn’t really “positioned” at all! The narrative did nothing to expand the world of Superman to that point – no new villains, no new allies, no serious deaths, etc. All that really happened was that Superman “returned,” and even then, we never felt his absence (narratively) as an audience.

I will say that this film is better than most other superhero offerings in this pre-MCU, pre-Dark Knight era of flicks, it’s just not a great vehicle for something with as much cultural weight as Superman. Serious fans will of course want to check this one out, but casual fans will probably do just as well to give this one a pass.

Beautiful, Eerie Music (An Ode to Narcisa)

As a well-known purveyor of absolute shit horror movies littered about the streaming landscape, every now and then I run across a flick that stands out for one reason or another. Most of these aren’t exactly “good” movies, but they do have a unique flavor that usually makes them worth a second viewing. Most recently I came across one called Sissy, an Australian neo-slasher from 2022.

Sissy OST

However, this entry isn’t really about Sissy itself, but rather a piece of music that plays near the end of the film’s second act. It begins just after a car wreck, where despite the frenzy and violence of such an event, the world quickly falls still and quiet once again. The mournful synths kick in, slow and soothing, followed by one of the goriest and simultaneously silliest scenes of the entire movie. It isn’t until the credit roll that we get the full impact of An Ode to Narcisa, where deep, breathy, female vocals hit all sorts of dissonances despite the pitch-perfect electronic instrumentation.

The song is haunting but also very calm. There is a veiled malevolence yet the track never takes on an anxious or overtly sinister vibe. Unfortunately this is one of those song we’ll never be able to glean much information on. It was created specifically for Sissy, so it’s not like there’s an original source to track down. The music itself was composed by Kenneth Lampl, a marginally famous composer who’s scored his fair share of TV and film productions, and one of the actresses from the movie, Hannah Barlow, provides the vocals.

And so it shall remain in perpetual obscurity – I don’t rightly know who or what “Narcisa” refers to (although “she” seems to be the one singing the song), and much to my anguish, I can’t even make out the lyrics completely due to Ms. Barlow’s chilling croon. I was able to rip the mp3 from YouTube, and then, thanks to fadr.com, I was able to isolate the vocals (and extrapolate a chord progression, which I’ll get to later). It helps a little, but the relatively soft instrumentation isn’t what tends to obfuscate Hannah’s vocals; it’s simply her style that renders certain words unintelligible.

A few moments ago I was consigned to just give you my best guess at the words I couldn’t quite understand and simply flank them with a couple of question marks, but then I had a super-bright idea: turn on the subtitles in the movie! The usually doesn’t work when the song is played during the movie, but sometimes, when played over the end credits, the lyrics will be close-captioned. And you know what? They were!

  • Hello, remember me?
  • Narcisa, your frenemy
  • Project, deflect, and blame
  • I’ll shame, wane, and shirk
  • To keep you mouth
  • Sans my name
  • Baby, I’m a widdle [little] baby
  • Won’t you please spit my dummy out
  • For me?
  • I don’t care what you think
  • Or feel or say or do
  • You keep this up
  • I swear to God, I’ll bury you
  • Joking? No I’m not joking
  • I’d rather see you rot in hell
  • Than let you have this one over me
  • Hush now
  • The world still spins around
  • None the wiser
  • While I burn it all, especially you, down
  • Hello, remember me?
  • I’m the end
  • Of your dreams.

Funnily enough, there’s actually a mistake: the line beginning with “the world…” is incorrectly captioned as “our world…” but if you listen, she’s definitely singing “the world…” Even with what is probably an official display of the lyrics, I still don’t get the complete idea of “Narcisa,” aside from the vague notion that “she” is sort of like the inner “bad girl” who is finally taking control, i.e. the song is outlining a person losing their sanity.

I guess it’s also worth noting at this point that some places spell it as “Narcissa,” and while that probably “looks right” to most of us moreso than “Narcisa,” the credits use the latter version (one “S”). This is in fact more in line with how Barlow pronounces it in the song – “nar-see-suh” (it takes on a bit of Latin flare with the “i” sounding like “ee”). With 2 “S’s,” most of us would be more inclined to say it as “nar-siss-uh”. And just to set straight one final discrepancy, the official title appears to be An Ode to Narcisa – sometimes the “an” is erroneously excluded.

Armed as I was with what I assume to be the official lyrics, I was still at a loss for “spit my dummy out for me” – I originally heard it as “spit my tummy out for me” but it’s not like either one makes much sense. Then I had to remind myself I’d been watching an Australian production, and although they speak English, they certainly retain their own unique idioms that may not immediately register with non-Australians. (Same thing happens with the British.) Turns out that “dummy” is slang for what we’d call a “pacifier” (some would also call it a “binkie” but man I hate that word), and what happens when a baby spits out his pacifier? He usually starts squalling. The phrase “spit the dummy” means to lose one’s temper, typically in a very childlike or immature manner, as in, “Don’t spit the dummy Steve, it was only a joke,” or “Mike really spat out the dummy when I talked to his girlfriend.” So there you go.

Now the way it’s worded here seems a bit strange – why don’t you spit my dummy out for me…she has just referred to herself as a baby, so my best guess is that her “bad half” is goading her “good half” to let go and throw a tantrum or whatever. It’s an invitation to halt any attempt at behaving and just letting it all go.


With the lyrics out of the way, we can really start digging into the musicality of it. The breakdown given over at fadr.com was a huge help. It gave me the BPM (71.5), the chords, and also told me that the song was in the key of B♭ minor. Well that just ain’t true. You can just look at the progression and see that it isn’t in B♭ minor. At first I even entertained the thought that it was an issue of the relative minor or major, but that’s not it either.

The first half of the song, right up to when she says “joking” for the first time, goes something like this:

  • F Am B♭
  • F Am B♭
  • F B♭ E♭
  • F B♭ B♭m
  • Gm C D♭

If we go by Fadr’s assessment and analyze this as if it were in B♭ minor, well, quite frankly it wouldn’t make a lick of sense. Clearly this was written in F major. Each and every one of these chords fits nicely into F major or is borrowed from F minor. When we put it all in Roman Numerals, we get:

  • I iii IV
  • I iii IV
  • I IV ♭VII
  • I IV iv
  • ii V ♭VI

Now that looks like a competent, purposeful composition. It’s a great example of how to make something written in a major mode sound reflective, detached, even a little alien, without relying on the minor scale. It also allows for the twisted whimsy of the piece to shine, highlighting the dark yet playful mood that the lyrics suggest.

The journey (twice) from I to iii to IV gives us enough movement to engage with yet never strays far from it’s home on F. After we’re lulled in there’s a slightly more dramatic leap from the tonic directly to IV and then into our first real dominant chord, the ♭VII (E♭). It hits just as she encourages herself to “go nuts”…

And then a sharp fall back to I where the apathetic mood (“I don’t care what you think or feel or say or do”) is matched well with the melancholic drop from IV to iv. We hang on to ii as a threat boils just under the surface (“You keep this up / I swear to–“). For just a brief moment we hit that V just as her voice swells on the word “God,” as if to cement her declaration, to make her seriousness unambiguously understood, to demonstrate her conviction.

As much as we might be longing for that drop back to F, we don’t get it. The song ratchets up the anxiety level by jumping a half-step up on each chord tone for a V - ♭VI deceptive cadence. And what words land on this ♭VI chord? Ill bury you. Barlow belts out this promise with an urgency and conviction beyond anything we’ve yet heard. It is here where time stops – the macabre proclamation hangs in the air, dripping with tension. It is quite literally all downhill from here…but just what does that even mean?


We need to pump the brakes for a moment and examine the latter half(ish) of Lampl and Barlow’s An Ode to Narcisa.

  • G♭ B♭m B D♭
  • G♭ B♭m B D♭
  • G♭ Bm B E
  • G♭

Uh-oh Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas F major anymore! But we’re not in B♭ minor either, are we? At a glance it looks like we’re in G♭ major…but G♭ is one of those tricky keys. It’s got 6 flats, which means that if we call it an F♯ instead, it’ll have 6 sharps. (This is the once instance where there is no “simpler” answer.) I’d argue that since we’ve already been in F major this whole time, modulating up a half-step to F♯ just makes good sense. So let’s quickly re-write that progression with our F♯ hats on:

  • F♯ A♯m B C♯
  • F♯ A♯m B C♯
  • F♯ Bm B E
  • F♯

And Once More, with Feeling Roman Numerals:

  • I iii IV V
  • I iii IV V
  • I iv IV ♭VII
  • I

Well we’ve changed keys…and…still don’t have a clue why Fadr recognizes it as B♭ minor. Oh well…

Let’s start talkin’ ’bout that key change!


Jumping up a half-step is a tried-and-true key change that can quickly and easily inject a jolt of energy into pretty much any song ever. It doesn’t need any sort of setup to be effective, and suddenly you’re in a new scale where 5 of the 7 notes are different. There’s also the novelty of having shifted a minor second, an interval with a fairly limited presence in our typical major and Aeolian modes.

Just because you don’t have to set up a half-step key change doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t, and I think Ode approaches it in spectacular fashion. If you recall, we closed out our F major section with a quick hit on the dominant (V) and then we moved each chord tone up a half-step (sound familiar?) to give us that borrowed ♭VI chord. Then we finally come down on our new tonic (I), an F♯ major chord, and it’s like magic. Not only do our brains pick up on the key change itself, but the effect is compounded because of how we get there. The ♭VI chord doubles as a V / ♯I! So in addition to setting the stage by jumping up a half-step from the V, it’s also quite happy to resolve to the new tonic.

While we were in F major, the D♭ chord is just a borrowed ♭VI, but in the context of F♯ major, we respell it as a C♯, which is the V of F♯ major. It all comes together quite swimmingly.

So here we are at the dramatic peak of An Ode to Narcisa. She’s just promised to “bury you” and in comes this uplifting key change, like a blossoming flower, just as Barlow sings the first “joking.” What is happening?

Firstly, Hannah doesn’t just sing “joking.” It’s a question, an interrogation, an incredulous accusation, as if to say, “Joking? You think that I’m joking??” And let us not forget that this is in regards to “bury[ing] you” if you “keep this up.” The fresh, new sound that accompanies this back half of the song is not particularly indicative of happiness, but of a new-found resoluteness on the part of Narcisa. The “Narcisa half” of our singer has finally triumphed. There is no need for containment or pretense or apprehension. It is a commitment to crazy.

“Narcisa” officially announces that she is “not joking,” and with conflict at a minimum, the song takes a more relaxed turn, slipping into a couple of very normal I - iii - IV - V loops. She throws out the cold “rot in hell” lyric, followed by her desire to “burn it all – especially you – down.”

And then as the lights dim and the curtains are drawn, and a faint glow from a better life fades into the darkness, we drop into the melancholy that is the borrowed iv chord as “Narcisa” softly creaks out one final reminder: “I’m the end of your dreams.” This supremely dark utterance is juxtaposed against the rather pleasant ♭VII - I cadence, and Barlow’s last word seems to hang in the air, uncomfortably, forebodingly, a subtle hint that yes, things can get worse.


Next I want to try and figure out the synth lead but that’s for another article; maybe it won’t be too hard since I’m armed with the chords.

I hope you enjoyed this breakdown of one crazy obscure song. Any additional thoughts or opinions or information would be highly welcome!